


A Little Confused (Levi x Reader)

by CreepyLittleLullaby



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Attempted Kidnapping, Attempted Murder, Bilingual Character(s), Character's Name Spelled as Hanji, F/M, Female Hange Zoë, M/M, Naive character, Other, Racism, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-06
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-08-19 23:05:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 28,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8227846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CreepyLittleLullaby/pseuds/CreepyLittleLullaby
Summary: I think it’s so strange how other people, the ones around me, have thoughts in English, while mine run around my head in Italian. Isn’t that so unusual to think about? My revelavation. If I may call it that.Maybe, it’s just me thinking its so strange. You were human, and you were going to show them that.





	1. I Met You

You looked around happily, a light in your eyes that was brighter than a fire. Nothing was going on just yet. But the day was a graduation for cadets, a joyous day. You bounced around, not noticing people’s glares or their grumblings. The ones in your unit of the regimen always did that, they were never fond of you. Not that you minded. You didn’t understand really.

Ignorance was bliss.

Still, seeing all the new and fresh faces filled you with a happiness you couldn’t describe. The whole thing reminded you of your graduation. You liked to talk with all the new units, the new squads. They always seemed to enjoy chatting with you. Even if you were quite a bit smaller than them, older, and a bit weirder. You relished in the occasion.

It was one of the only times when you got to speak with people. Real people, ones that responded to you at least. They didn’t seem to mind your quirky speech, and you loved it. As of now you were prancing over to one of the tops. Well, not one, there were three there. You knew at least two of them were in the top ten, you didn’t know about the blonde really. It didn’t matter to you either way.

You waved at them, “Hallo!” They smiled as you approached, your tan jacket with the emblem of roses fluttering in the wind. You grinned as they faced you, their body language welcomed you into the conversation. Making you even happier. “Congratulation! Err, there is an ‘s’… Congratulations!” They laughed, and you smiled as the brunette put a hand on your shoulder.

“Thanks! I’ve been waiting for this for two years now!” You grin.

“Sì! I know what you mean!” You smiled as you straightened your jacket as   
his hand retreated. “What regimen shall you join?” The brunette grinned wide, a determined light in his eyes. 

“Survey Corps, the scouts. I’m going to kill them all you know. I am going to rid them all of this earth.” You nodded as he rambled, so this is the ‘Suicidal Bastard.’ You had heard the other people gossiping about him and his outrageous thoughts. You had to wonder what suicidal meant. You would have to look it up later.

“That’s so cool! Very noble! I’m jealous I have to say.” The blonde one   
looked up at you. He had sky blue eyes, you almost squealed. He was adorable, carina! “Si?” 

“Why didn’t you join the scouts? You seem to hold them in high regards that is.” You laugh a bit and hold your hair down.

“Ah, sì! I did want to when I graduated! However, my English speech wasn’t as good back then. So, I was asked to join the Garrison unit instead, until my communication, right? Improved! It’s good though! I still serve humanity, yes?” The three looked at you with a smile.

“Yeah, that’s true. You know, you aren’t bad for a Garrison.” You smiled at them with your hands on your hips. They thought you weren’t bad, that was amazing! You were so happy! Those words alone made your day.   
A giant grin stretched across your lips as you spoke with them, they were very kind. Some of their friends joined in, and to your delight they were kind as well. You laughed and had fun. They were so interesting. A little strange, but in a good way.

Soon enough you had to depart to your daily duties, today it was cleaning the mess hall and some of the office hallways. You didn’t mind, cleaning was okay. You used to clean all the time for mother. So, you knew how to do it well. You continued with your rag, hands and knees on the floor when you heard a sound echo in the empty hall. You looked up to see the silhouette of a figure. “At least someone knows how to clean right around here. Idiots.” A simple phrase, but with that the person walked away.

You got another giant grin as you heard it, “I’m doing right, I’m of use.” You smiled as you cleaned with higher spirits, determined to make the corporal say that too, not just a shadow down the hall. You scrubbed the floors and shelves until your hands were raw, near bleeding. Only raising your head once again to see your superiors with another set of people. People from the Survey corps, the one you noticed most was a woman. Brown hair and glasses. You don’t know why, but you instantly liked her. You were still on your knees as they passed.

She gave you a smile as you watched her with them carefully. When you saw her genuine smile, you gave her a giant toothy grin and a thumbs up. She looked happier if that was possible as she almost looked like she was going to laugh. Her glasses falling silently as she picked up a pace to catch up with her partners. You wondered why, you’d only smiled at her. Then again, you got happy at a single word. You wouldn’t judge. 

Your eyes glittered as they past you without another sound. Disappearing around a corner in the building. You turned away, wringing out your rag out into a bucket and standing up. You smiled at your boots, so kind, so strong and admirable. The scouts were truly inspiring. You were just going to go put your bucket away as you were stopped.

Yelping, you jumped as you felt hands on your shoulders. You gripped your bucket tightly as you spun on your heels. Seeing the same woman with a grin that had rivaled your own. You laughed as you patted down your hair, which had been messed up by your sudden movements. “Un momento.”

With that you cleaned up your supplies and put them away neatly. Your   
cleaning closet looked different than the other ones, mostly because you couldn’t reach any shelf above the second on without help. So everything was lower. You didn’t like how you’d never hit a growth spurt, but you dealt with it still. You continued with your task. Looking at the duster in your hand, you looked back up. Your jaw dropping, didn’t this go on the third shelf?! You sighed as you realized you had found it on the floor, and now you have to put it away. 

You made the universal gesture for another second as you hopped up and down, trying to put the duster away properly. You weren’t going to give up, but you were going to probably embarrass yourself by having to climb the shelves. Until hands on your torso lift you off the ground. So your eyes were now level with the third shelf. You put back the duster and you were placed on the ground again.

Turning around and grinning at the woman who smiled at you in satisfaction. You quickly assaulted her with a hug as she laughed. She thought you were adorable, the crown your head barely touching her collarbone, even as you stood straight.

She patted your head as you pulled away. “Grazie! How might I help?” She looked at you a little oddly. Then something like curiosity lit up in her eyes before you were bombarded with questions.

“You have an accent. Does that mean you speak another language? From the outside world? What is it? How did you learn it? Can I experiment on you?”   
You laughed as you bounced between your feet. 

“Ah, yes. I speak Italian as a native language, my English suffers because of that I guess. My grandmother only spoke Italian in our home, so that’s what I grew up with. Also, may I decline the experiments? If you really have to I could, but I would prefer to not… Don’t you have a meeting to be in?” She scowled.

“They’re so boring. Erwin lets me roam while he explains my findings for me. He’s the only one that can barely read my notes anyway. Besides, usually everyone here are slackers or stoic. You seem pretty nice! Levi would appreciate your cleanliness that’s for sure.” You raise an eyebrow. Stoic? Is that regarding the blank faces all the time? You think so. Nothing else connected them. You’d look it up later.

“Really? You think so? Thank you! It means much to me!” The girl smiled at you. She held out a hand to you. You took it graciously. “They call me (Y/N), what do you call yourself?” She smiled at you.

“My name’s Hanji! It’s a pleasure to meet you.” You grin and hop around

“Sì, me too! I’m happy to meet you too!”


	2. Endure and Survive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The attack on Wall Rose begins! You ride a Titan and pretty much are my favorite smol bean in the world. So coot!

She grinned widely and stood next to you chatting, for hours it felt like. Random topics, though she seemed to have a fixation on experimenting on things. And Titans. It was a borderline obsession. You thought it was really funny, and cool.   
How someone could be so curious and wanting to learn, even though they could die by even nearing such a beast? 

You were going to ask her how she stayed so brave, until someone screamed.   
The shriek bounced through the walls. Only one word in its loud cry. Titans.   
There was a quiet moment of disbelief, until all hell broke loose. A breach in Wall Rose. The breath caught in your throat, that meant bad things didn’t it? That happened five years ago, and they lost so many lives. Innocent lives.

Looking at Hanji, you saw an excited look on her face. She was probably worried, and ecstatic. Being so interested in them, you didn’t share the interest. But you could understand the feeling. People had their quirks. You and her departed as you quickly ran to the other soldiers’ sides as the battle begun. You suited up instantly. Usually they didn’t use you, but desperate times, desperate measures. There was no way you were going to be held back from this. You needed to help them.

Being helpless and useless wasn’t something you wanted to convey. Those weren’t words you wanted to describe you. So, you’d avoid their definitions becoming you at all costs. All costs.

Finally, you were being granted the ability to use your training, you grinned. With a running start you shot past the others rather quickly. Disobeying the orders of sticking together completely. You weren’t useful, or wanted here anyway. There were no good things in your presence there. Honestly, they didn’t care where you went. As long as you stayed out of their way. You used your gear, gas boosting you as you flew. Feet pounding along roof tops, the rubber soles padding against the shingles. Breaking some of them with small cracks. 

Some people looked at you in surprise as you fought with a smile that never seemed to fade, or tire. Even when you were grabbed by a Titan. No one noticed when you did get grabbed. Caught up in their own task. There was a difference between your reaction and those you’d seen before. They would yell and scream, and you were filled with mirth. The laughter bubbling up inside you giddily. It was easy, you were so small, all you had to do was suck in your gut. With that done you fell through its fingers, you hooked onto a nearby wall and shot up its arm, slashing their neck. 

Sometimes it took a few tries to get a deep enough cut, if you couldn’t get yourself to go fast enough. You got it done however. No matter the struggle. You’d prevail.

Endure and survive.

Before anyone could get a good look, you ran. Just like always. You thoroughly believed in doing good deeds without recognition. Nona had told you it was key for a healthy soul. It kept you humble and happy. So, you took pride in yourself, and that was all you needed after these many years. You missed Nona’s praise though. She always seemed to know when you did something you felt was right. And she always showed her pride in you.

Warm, fuzzy, feeling. You missed it so bad.

Taunting and killing another Titan, you were surprised when your gas ran out. You yelped as you seemed to drop out of the air suddenly. No momentum keeping you up in the air anymore. You thought quickly and maneuvered your gear to fire and grab hold of a gutter, which as unstable as it was, it seemed to hold your weight as you swung up to the roof. It would have been a good plan.  
If only you hadn’t over shot and landed right on the head of a Titan.

“Well, isn’t this lovely?” You jumped up and away as a hand went straight for you. Dodging it’s grabbing fingers. “No you don’t buddy!” It was reaching again. Until the whole world seemed to shift. You screamed as the body you stood on was dropped from right beneath you. Panicking, you grappled onto the nearest object. 

Shock invaded your being, this was just your damn luck wasn’t it? You had grabbed the outstretched arm of another Titan. One that had just upper-cutted another one, a solid punch to the jaw. Killing it instantly. Alert One-Punch man. He has competition. You held onto the arm, digging your nails in to keep a good hold. Fear wormed its way into your heart as the rouge Titan turned to face you as you stayed stuck on the giant’s upper arm.

“Uh-uh, heyyy, you have quite a punch you know? Mind if I stick with you for a bit, my nerves are a bit shot and I’m done with gas. Just to the next rooftop.” It just turned its head away from you as you scrambled onto its shoulder. Knees shaking and body humming. It began to walk as if nothing had even happened. As if this were normal. You laughed and smiled.

“You are not bad, I like you. Be safe okay?” You stayed put until you could   
just about touch the shingles of the next roof. You jumped off his shoulder quickly and onto the slanted surface, waving him off as you ran away. “Until again!” 

Running on the roofs, you didn’t stop until you reach HQ. You had a few   
close calls, but Titans usually went for large groups, not a sole runner. Only a couple tried to make grabby hands. The most you did was run faster. Or cut off their hands to the best of your ability. It wasn’t like the limb wouldn’t grow back anyway. You made it to HQ in one piece, just five minutes before three people came in.

Ears perking up as they ranted about an abnormal Titan attacking the other ones. You smiled softly, that one? You peeked out the window, seeing the Titan completely beating the ever loving stuffing out of the other Titans. Like a bunch of punching bags in a professional kickboxing gym. 

Taking a closer look at the people now, you noticed and recognized them. Two of them were the ones you met at graduation, and the one with no hair was their friend. Mikasa, Armin, and… and… Connie? Yeah, Connie. You smiled, so they made it, that was good. It’d be a shame for humanity to lose such people. Ones with heart. You watched as they planned, offering to help out. You wedged into the circle. You were the one they asked to run around and get things ready, like always.

Though, it was different then with your regimen, they actually asked if you could. Gave you pleasantries, manners, and they smiled at you. Like you mattered. It filled you with bliss and happiness. As you carried ammunition, cleared gun barrels, and did everything you could, a smile on your face. It was your pleasure, truly, to help them in any way possible. Especially with all the kindness they’d shown you. 

Armin, he came up with the plan that took back the supplies from the Titans. He really was smart. You’d always heard about him being a borderline genius. You believed it. He was much smarter than you, in your opinion at least. You got your gas refilled and politely excused yourself. Still smiling as you flew away, promising to see them one day soon. They also promised to try and visit you. 

On your flight back to your original dwellings you flew past many bodies, which you ignored. For now, at least. Swearing to say a pray and mourn when all was safe. You kept your heart steady and your gaze held high as the battle raged on. Cries, screams filled the air. Blood covered the streets. Pooling everywhere that you looked. It made a shudder go down your spine. You hoped it would be over, soon, you wanted everyone to be well and good. You didn’t like people to be hurt for no good reason.

A whizzing sound made you look to your left in time to see a body colliding with your own. Jolting your body as your head hit the cement wall of the building harshly and your vision blacked out in an instant.


	3. Strange Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waking up in the infirmary can be rough, facing your comander even rougher, a corporal, however stoic, can be a nice break.

Eyes peeling open, you were meet with white walls. The infirmary. You’d seen it enough times to identify it by smell alone. The sterile scent that assaulted all your sense. It was so thick in the air that your mouth tasted of latex and your head ached worse. The groans of people in pain, rusted stains that dotted the walls and floors. Dried blood. Most of it wasn’t dry anymore. Replaced by the soon to be causalities of the new battle.

Jolting up, your sense came back. The fight! It wasn’t over yet, was it? Slipping out of the starchy covers of the medical ward’s bed your feet touched the cold wooden ground. Standing up, you stumbled a bit at first. Placing your hand on your head, feeling the bandages and sensation of your shoulder pulsing angrily in pain. You resisted a groan as you forced yourself to walk. Step by step on the wooden panels. You meandered out of the room, unsure of where to go, until you heard someone call you over. You walked to them, no smile, no light in your eyes. You were too focused on staying upright and moving to care about politeness.

They directed you to one of the superior’s office, saying it was protocol. You didn’t question it as you treaded through the familiar halls. Your feet on autopilot, leading you into the office. It emitted a freezing cold aura that filled you with a dread you’d never known before you joined the Garrisons. You paused outside the door, before shaking off your thoughts. Calling yourself pathetic for being afraid of a door you walked in. 

“Sir, I’m to report here?” He cleared his throat, looking down on you easily from your minuscule height. You were smaller than five feet, so anyone really towered over you. It wasn’t a hard feat really. But the commander seemed cocky and smug at that plain fact. That bad feeling came back as your fingers twitched anxiously. Nervousness consuming you whole as goosebumps wormed their way onto your skin. The hairs of your neck raising.

“I came to ask where you were, you were supposed to be on the field, yet you were found, unconscious, only mere blocks away from HQ.” You looked down ashamedly. Why hadn’t you seen it coming? You could’ve dodged and avoided this whole mess.

“I was on duty, I went back for more gas and was knocked out on the way back to the South-Eastern quadrant.” He sneered at you, you looked back down immediately. Becoming extremely interested in your shoes. Such fine tailoring right? Beautiful stitching and gorgeous leather.

“Well, I suppose what’s done is done right?” His words spat venom, making you almost visibly flinch. You weren’t successful in helping the secure of the city. “Wall Rose is now sealed, and I’m afraid that it seems you’re too injured to train. So you’ll be on cleaning duty for a long time. Head injuries take a while to heal don’t they? Right? Agree, you foreign, stray, mutt.” You nodded quickly, but confusion filled your eyes along with the mild fear. Mutt? Stray? Wasn’t stray a verb? Not an adjective? Cosa stavo perdendo? (What was I missing?) “What did you even do? Did you kill any of them?”

I killed seventeen and rode one you meanie, can you say that? You kept the thought to yourself as you smiled softly. Trying to conceal your hidden bitterness and hate. You wanted to make your Nona proud. Be a good person, a kind person. Respect your elders. “I killed none, I focused on evacuating the civilians and assisting in the retrieval of the HQ supply room. That is all.”

He tsked at you, gave you a good thwack on your head. It took all your strength and will power to not wince or falter in your stance. “That is useless help, go do your chores now. Slacker.” You immediately left, feeling shame and confusion weigh on you, he always used words you couldn’t understand. Slacker? You always tried so hard...

Ignoring the swirling vortex of mixed emotions that clouded your head as you went to the closet and opened the door. Looking on in despair as you noticed all your supplies have been moved to being messily crowded on the highest shelf. This was a complete mess. Your fingers twitched and you wanted to scream just at the sight of it. Paranoia filled you, and you were about ready to start rambling hysterically in Italian when a voice behind you forced you to halt your panic attack before it could begin.

“Filthy, there is no order in that closet. Is it yours?” You looked behind you to see a man, he had a white bandanna on and donned a green scout covering. You looked down a bit, before giving him a big smile.   
“Sì... However it seems someone borrowed my closet. Pranks and all that. Do you know where I could happen upon a ladder?” You heard another strange sound from him as you gazed up at him with your big doe eyes.

His disgust with your closet seemed to lessen. You honestly were still repulsed, and wished to scrub each and every corner of it until your hands bled. But that was just you. You just hoped to get a ladder to have a chance at fixing it. 

Levi’s eyes focused as he recognized you as the one he saw cleaning the floors the right way. He tched, shitty brats. They needed to think their stupid pranks through. If he ever found them to be in the way of cleanliness again he’d have a special punishment for them. If they were his regimen or not. No one could defy him anyway. So what branch they were part of was irrelevant. 

He took his sword, and jabbed the shelf. The duster, the one you used for high objects, tumbled down, and you were able to catch it by the tips of your slim fingers. “Use that, and do a better job than the rest of these idiots, brat.” You look at him, with a smile. Eye glittering in complete admiration.

“You know, I like you! You use those strange words like they do too, but yours seem a little less... meaningful? I cannot really convey it.” You extend your duster and get on your tip toes. Barely managing to get your rag from the shelf as he stays by you, a quizzing look on his face. 

“Strange words? You’re a cryptic brat, what the hell does that mean?” You grin at him.

“I mean those words I don’t know, those weird words with different meanings. Like stray, they say that alot, but stray is a verb, not an adjective. So, I don’t get what they mean. Strange words, and even more unusual people.” He ignored your words.

“Tch, whatever, what the hell are you even doing cleaning? You have a head injury idiot.” He poked your forehead, it wasn’t gentle, but it wasn’t rough either. You didn’t mind his touch all that much really. You look at him regretfully, but still smile as you brush down your hair with your hand, your fingertips briefly scratching against the bandages around your forehead.

“Well, these are my chores.” You look up to see someone behind him, waving desperately, another scout. “Oh, someone is calling. You should go, don’t leave another waiting long!” You pushed him away from you. He looked like he was about to yell at you for shoving him towards the figure, causing them to notice him. You would never know for sure however, because you grabbed your bucket and ran off. Abandoning him in the hall as you immediately went to work cleaning the floors. You thoughts wondered, as they always did while you cleaned.

'Nonna, why does everyone act like I am different? Like I am less because of that? I am human after all, aren’t I? Why do they act like her? Do you know who could tell me what I do wrong? How do I fix myself?'


	4. Human If Not Different

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You write a letter to your Nonna, someone breaks into your room and you prepare for the worst.

You walked around the halls, your heart was still hurting, but your head was high as they threw those strange words at you. Hurled them at you tastelessly, by now you thought they would’ve lost meaning. Seeing as you heard them tossed around so carelessly for so long. Yet, you were still as sensitive to them as always.

Their laughs and words haunted you, all the way to your dorm room. As did the smell of disinfectant, soap, and the strange scent of your own blood on your hands. You’d said you’d clean until you bled. You did. Stumbling, you almost fell into your room once the door was opened. Which had taken a while with how bad your hands had shook. You caught yourself instead, forcing your body to make the effort to take another three steps to collapse on your chair. Which you did with a loud thudding sound.

Leaning back, you were gentle with your abused legs. Your knees hurt badly, they were probably bruised, and your cheek stung a lot. You’d tried to run, it didn’t work. Now you hurt worst. You should’ve just stayed put. You scolded yourself. Why were you so god damn stupid? Your self hatred lessened in its assault as your head pounded, and your shoulder pulsed. It was doing worse than when you first came to earlier in the day. You ignored it, grabbing a pain killer and swallowing it easily. 

Moving on from your thoughts. You grabbed a slip of paper, an envelope, a seal, and a calligraphy pen. The only thing you ever wrote with, it was just prettier, and easier to read that way. Setting up your desk neatly, though nothing in your room was really messy at all. If anything was you’d know, and you’d be a jittery nervous wreck until you fixed it. So you always made sure everything was perfect in your space. Switching your rambling thoughts once more you put your pen to the paper and began to write. (It’s in Italian, but for your sake (and mine) it will be English, the errors are to be believable, a non native speaker like 'you' will probably spell things wrong if we're being honest.)

Dearest Nonna,

I have some new words to add to my list of terms to look up. The language is strange and odd, Inglese, English, I guess it’s just because I’m so different. Well, my native tongue is different to them I supose, perceptions and everything in between. I think it’s so strange how other people, the ones around me, have thoughts in English, while mine run around my head in Italian. Isn’t that so unusual to think about? My revelavation. If I may call it that.

Maybe, it’s just me thinking its so strange. Still. Maybe I’ll tell Armin mi theory once I see him again. If I see him again. I have such an exciting few days to tell you about! Wait, I shouldn’t be so selfish and rude, how are you? I hope you’re well. I myself am doing pretty great! I mean, the people are still a little mean, but that’s okay! There are other people that are nice, so the world is balanced I guess. I killed seveteen Titans! I also rode one, and it didn’t care! Well, it didn’t attack me at least. I thought that was pretty neat. 

...I lied to the Corporal Nona, I told him I didn’t kill any, that I just helped the evacuation. Good deeds are best left undone in the eyes of others... no not that one. Ah yes, I remember now. “When you give to the needy, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be praised by men. Truly I tell you, they already have their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” Yeah, that’s it. I didn't just copy that from the book you gav me.

The Coporal believed me, he calls me useless. He also called me a foriegn stray mutt, what does that mean? I’m not foreign really... I was born here, behind Wall Rose, I just learned to speak from you.

I never regret my Italian, I love my language, it makes me feel so warm. I still feel your love through the words I say. As well as saying ‘yes’ feels so weird. Yes, why is there a ‘y’? It feels so weird in my mouth, on my lips.

They avoid me to, but maybe that’s best. If too many people were around when I cleaned the floors they would slip. I would also get them in trouble for talking when they should be doing their duties. Anyway, I should go, I will write   
you again tommorrow night, as always.

Watch over me.

With love from your little nipote,

(Y/N)

With that said and done you put down your pen. Leaning back and letting out a satisfied hum as you closed the letter, sealing it, addressing it, and put it in your box. Along with all the other unopened letters. Totaling up to many years. You hadn’t counted them in a while. You smiled as you closed the box and locked it, putting the key in the small piece of cloth beneath the arch of your foot.

Not getting up yet, you closed your eyes and enjoyed the silence. Until your ears picked up the creak of a window opening. Your window. You resisted the temptation to open them and peek, but you didn’t do that. Your heart beat loudly in your ears, adrenaline dumping into your veins like a bucket of ice water. You head remained lulled back, as if you hadn’t noticed. Preparing for an ambush, you steadied your nerves and tensed your muscles.

The almost silent steps echoed behind you, stopping just mere inches from the back of your head. You waited, until they got closer. Their warm breath was near your neck as you went into action. Your head shot up and you were expecting to get up quickly and coolly, until you forgot one thing. Your god damn jelly legs.

Leg failing as you tried to stand you flopped to the floor with another yelp. You looked up, realizing that as helpless and screwed as you were, you wanted to look them in the eyes bravely if there were your last moments. They’d never forget this crime, you’d remind them that you were human every single second of it. And do you best to make them regret their choice of murder.

You were human, and you were going to show them that.


	5. Very Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You find out who the intruder was.

Bracing yourself, body coiled and defensive as your eyes scanned their form. Familiar glasses crossed your eyes as your elbows buckled and caved. You fell back against the ground, sighing in relief. The wooden panels were freezing against your thinly veiled arms and legs. Making your body even colder, but you paid it no heed. “Hanji?” You heard her laugh as she almost fell to the floor, clutching her stomach as tears descended from her eyes. Her knees hitting the grainy wood beside your head as your eyes peered up at her curiously. What was she doing here? You weren’t exactly complaining however.

“That was so cute! You just shot up and fell down, and your little yelp. Oh my lord... Did I get ya? I thought you were sleeping, I was gonna hide in your closet. Like the boogeyman.”

Boogeyman? Dismissing the term, you shook your head as you worked on sitting up properly. Motioning your welcome with your hands, she made herself comfortable on your bed. Waiting for you to get up, until she realized you were struggling to settle yourself comfortably back on the wooden seat. She fixed the issue by forcefully dragging you on the bed with her. You sighed a small chuckle with tired eyes, not fighting it. 

“I was sleeping, but you were breathing down my neck. I thought someone had broken into my dorm. A theif or something.”

She laughed and ruffled your hair as she hugged you, your head wedged under her chin comfortably. You sighed again in comfort as her hands and arms were almost burningly warm on your back and your body. Which was cold from your lack of jacket. Sore and tired legs hooked across her lap as your whole left side leaned into her.

Hanji looked at you and booped your nose. Your nose scrunched up and she laughed, shaking you a bit as she nuzzled you. Before her playfulness diminished and she looked down into your eyes. Her own looked like they were burrowing into you. Exposing your soul to her sight. “Can I ask you a question?”

Nodding, she sighed. “I heard from Armin you wanted to be a Scout, but couldn’t for the reasons you told him. I did understand some logic in that, until I met you and heard your English, it’s a little broken, but very good for a second language.” You nodded, it was correct.

“I’ve gotten much better. I study.” You point to the books, lined up neatly   
on your shelf. Some English, some Italian, you read them all multiple times. All of them were simple enough for you to read, so what language you chose was truly dependent on your mood.

She looked at you again, “However weird that is, that isn’t as strange as you lying to your corporal.” You froze, what did she mean? Had she caught you in a lie? What did you lie about? At least what lie would she know? You didn’t think anyone saw you.

“I saw you kill a Titan, and you managing your way to HQ without gas, simply by running and swinging on the wires of your 3DMG. I saw you so things that surprised me for what he said about you.” You watched her with an ashamed look in your eyes. She had caught you.

“It was down right amazing, you aren’t the best, but you have potential! You already graduated, your good with your gear. You saved people today, and did your duty above and beyond. Why lie?”

Smiling softly, your legs shifted a bit in the tense atmosphere as you began to speak, your accent thicker than ever in the calm night air. “It’s hard, they don’t expect that of me, so I don’t tell. The deed done when no one’s eyes are present defines a person. I live by that. I don’t tell, I don’t boast, it feels wrong. So if they think I’m useless, then I’ll let them think that.”

You smiled wider at her, “I am still me, no? No matter what they say, I do not change, one cannot be changed by words alone, but by the actions that define them. I will be constant, I will not concede!” You words became more and more powerful as you spoke. Your back was straight and upright, and there was a fire in your eyes that she just couldn’t ignore. She looked at you blankly, before giving you a small smile.

Grinning back, your eyes meet hers in the dim dorm room. Your eyes glimmered, reflecting the moon’s gentle light beautifully. “Besides half the things they say I don’t understand. Stray? Mutt? Foreign? I’m from Wall Rose, not the outside. I am just like them. Just a little differ... Different? Different. I don’t understand them most of the time. But that’s okay right? I don’t need to understand them to be a good person, to try and make nice.”

Hanji’s smile faltered, not that you saw as you cuddled back into the space under her neck, seeking the warmth she brought. Hanji’s thoughts wandered, was that something a superior really said to kid? Calling them a mutt? For speaking another language and English. It wasn’t something that settled right, that she could bare to believe. But she knew that you had no reason to lie, you didn’t even know what it really meant. She felt moved by you. You were so innocent, even in this world. You had no clue how cruel humans could be, and you still tried to be kind and understanding even though you didn’t comprehend human hatred. 

Wondering what she could do, Hanji went over possibilities. Only finding things that wouldn’t work well enough. Or had harsh consequences. Until an idea hit her, coming in the form of something she’d be worrying about for a while now. Encryption. If she got you to do it. Then she could have someone to fan girl about Titans with! She had meaning to code her notes for a while now, what better way to do that then to do it in another language! It couldn’t be misinterpreted, like code could be. Since it was an actual language! Not just an assortment of letters with no really meaning.

This, could just be the start of something good. Something very good.


	6. Adventure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanji has an idea and a proposition.

“Hey, hey, hey, small child. I know you hear me. Earth to child. Earth to little Italy. Hayyy.”

“Is for horses, right?” Your voice finally broke through her incessant whining.

That made the older woman fight to smother laughter, she could so push you on Jean. You would probably have fun with that, whether you joined in, or just listening to the taunting. If you weren’t against a little good natured teasing that was. “I have a question for you, another one.”

“Sì?”

“I need someone to code my notes, so only certain people can understand them. Bad   
things is, I would forget some code. Therefore, losing purpose in encrypting them. Howeverrr, if it were something someone else could understand and translate for meee. Say like if you wrote them in Italian. I could do it so much easier, and no one besides you could read them, so no one could steal my research if they broke into my room!” You nodded, a bit confused, she was rambling. What was she talking about? This is when English got very confusing for her.

“Sorry, off topic there, what I wanna ask. Is would you please be my assistant? When I run experiments I need some help, as well as someone to write my notes so no one can understand them for security reasons.” Her words were a bit slower now, and you analyzed each one to make sure you were listening to her right. Your eyes brightened as you grinned wider than before and you tackled Hanji in a hug. Not really moving her with the fact you only had inches to gain momentum and strength. Nor the height advantage or a good position to launch yourself from. It still worked.

“You can do that? You would want me? I would love to!” You moved back, “What about Corporal, my position in the Garrison reigmen? My lack of English comprension, comprehension?” Hanji just grinned and patted your head, not being surprised when that was all that was needed to reassure you.

“I’ll take care of it, you’re my mew personal assistant after all. English won’t be a problem really. You’re good at it, and you’ll have me if you can’t word something! Also I can ask Erwin to talk to Pixis about transferring you, it won’t be an issue at all!”

Admiration emitted off you in waves, it was easy to see how grateful you were to her as your smile reached your eyes. Almost closing them at how wide it was. Hanji was once again taken by your child like aura. She couldn’t help but smile softly at you again as she moved off of those matters and started talking excitedly about her experiments with Titans. Going on about their anatomy and functions, weaknesses. Also inspecting your head injury as hers words continued to tumble out from her lips non-stop. 

It wasn’t bad, still a nasty hit. She was surprised you hadn’t needed stitches for it, from how bruised your face it looked as if you’d hit the wall pretty hard. 

You smiled and nodded along with her as the night seemed to slip away quickly. The moon rising higher into the sky as you passed out on her shoulder. Her soft words lulling you to sleep in the warm and cozy company. She didn’t stop speaking until she noticed your unconscious state. Your hair was in small rivets around your face, eyelashes fanned out on cute cheek bones as your head laid on her shoulder. Just like a child. It was so adorable, especially how your nose twitched as she laid you down on your bed. Adjusting to the new position as your unconscious body squirmed.

She went back out the window silently. Slipping out into the cool night stealthily. Doors were too boring, and it was past curfew, if she got caught rumors would fly and Levi wouldn’t be happy with her at all being caught sneaking out of another’s dorm room past their set ‘bed time’. Her thoughts turned on how to ask Erwin about the transfer as she snuck past soliders on patrol for intruders. Hanji didn’t think he wouldn’t mind, but he definitely would ask why. She decided to keep the little quirks of why to herself, it would just cause some commotion if it got out. Besides, if all went well you weren’t going to be commanded by that corporal anymore, so it didn’t matter. Right?

The lies of your Titan killing, only she and some trainees knew, and they wouldn’t say anything, they didn’t know you. So she could get away with saying nothing about that too, just out of respect for you and your wishes. They truly were mature and very humble thoughts.

This should be so easy, and she now had an assistant that would last longer than a week! Without requesting to be transferred away again! Also you were nicer than some of those other people that called her crazy. Funner too. Maybe it would be a little difficult with some advanced science terms, but she could manage. Maybe get a book on Italian so she could turn them into words you could maybe recognize. And learn Italian along the way.

That whole idea just sounded so cool!

Hanji clenched her fist as she ran to her dorm with determination in her eyes, she would do this, she could do it. This was going to be so much fun! Beneficial to both parties, and even if it wasn’t exactly normal. Or if it was harder to figure out than Hanji was making it up to be. That didn’t matter, having some company that seemed to have unending compassion and a bright smile seemed pretty appealing either way.

This was going to be an adventure!


	7. Listen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Hanji are finally off to the Scouts! You just get settled in and meet a few new people!

You looked around excitedly, bouncing on the balls of your feet. The air was sweet in the wind and the grass swayed to the breeze. A beautiful blue sky was illuminating the day. Mirroring your mood perfectly. Not your Corporal's however, as he stood beside you angrily, glaring daggers at the small back pack in your hand and the box held tightly in your arms. You didn’t mind though, soon you were going to be with Hanji! Nothing could bring your mood down!

It had been a long two weeks, seventeen letters to be exact. So more like two and a half weeks. Hanji had come to visit multiple times during the transfer process and you had grown pretty attached to the older female. She always seemed ready to brighten your day, or literally lift you up when you couldn’t reach something.

Not to mention how none of her friends ever did that weird and mean   
staring thing with the eyes. Well, mostly. Though usually it wasn’t directed at you. How they were nice and never said those words. You always got a smile when you waved at them, and it made you feel so elated. Hanji’s presence even seemed to lessen those qualities from your own regimen. 

However, today was the day, your transfer was finalized by Pixis. He was a nice man, very eccentric, stravagante. You didn’t mind. He had a funny smile, and he was very kind to you. Standing closely to you, almost shielding you from what they call glares. You wondered if he realized he was doing that, maybe not. You appreciated it either way.

Watching the horizon intently, you could barely contain your excitement when your eyes caught the sight of Hanji and a blonde man. You hopped up and waved at her. She immediately ran over and enveloped you in a suffocating hug. “See? Isn’t she so cute! Just look at her, she’s so small! Just like Levi!” The blonde man gave a deep laugh, shaking his head. You marveled at his blonde hair, it   
looked so soft, he was a handsome man. He just needed to clean up his facial hair and then you think he’d be quite the looker.

“Yes, but don’t let Levi hear you say that. He would have your head.” Hanji snickered and ruffled your hair affectionately.

“If he could even reach it.” Hanji looked at you and threw an arm over your shoulder, “Besides, I have another shorty right here to protect me. Right? You won’t let me die right? You love me too much.” You looked up at her, then let a smirk tilt the corners of your mouth mischievously.

“You know, from this position I have really good access to your throat, I   
would be careful which short person you insult. My Nonna said that short people were scarier.” Hanji gulped and chuckled nervously.

“Why’s that you say?”

“Because, short people are closer to Satan.” With that you hummed and leaned into her arms. Head just brushing her neck. Smiling happily as she stiffened around you, grabbing you a little tighter. You heard silence, until Pixis and the blonde man began to laugh at the two of you.

The blonde straightens up first, “Yeah, I think I see why Hanji likes you so much. I am Erwin. What may I call you?”

Grinning widely at him, you offered him your hand. “I’m (Y/N) sir!” He nodded and shook your hand with a smile. With that, Hanji took your hand back and dragged you off with them. Forcing you along, not unwantedly. You waved at Pixis and he waved back with a smile of his own, the corporal just scowled at your retreating form.

One last look, that’s all you allowed yourself. Before turning away and looking ahead. Don’t look back, always forward. You aren’t the same as you were yesterday, so there was no use to look on your past self. The past would stay in the past, so, you looked ahead. To Hanji, to your new life. 

She smiled at you and squeezed your hand as you made it to the Survey Corps wing. Sandwiched safely between Hanji and the blonde man who you had to look up at, you were only at his armpit, he was taller than Hanji, and you thought Hanji was decently tall. Maybe it was just you. 

Letting Hanji take over, she made a move to drag you away. You waved to   
Erwin, who bowed his head and told you it’d be a pleasure to work with you. Hanji started explaining your accommodations as you stumbled along thanks to her long legs and your belongings that weighed you down. Apparently you would be sharing a room due to her request to have you as her personal assistant. You smiled at that. Did that mean it would be like a sleepover? Every night?! You had never shared a room with someone.

Opening the door, excitement got the best of you and you looked in immediately, eyes bright and wide. You jaw dropped at the mess in front of you, how did she find her toothbrush in the morning? It was laying on her desk under stacks of paper and illegible drawing. Not even starting on how she found her clothes you looked around to what Hanji introduced as your side, which was a bit messy. No objects really, you just needed Windex and a duster, not bad.

You could deal with the mess, as long as it didn’t invade your half. You weren’t trying to be difficult, but you had some allergies, and a compulsion to having things in their proper place. It made them easier to reach. Easier to breath.

Hanji laughed and apologized for the mess as you giggled and shrugged, she left you to get settled. Getting started right away, you cleaned the stained window, straightened the bed and put your stuff neatly in your small cupboard. It didn’t take all too long, you didn’t have much. You were satisfied with your work after only about twenty minutes as you finished putting your stuff away and Hanji came back with binders of paper, sheepishly looking at you. She asked if you could start now with her old notes, and that she would be at her desk just doing paperwork if you needed to ask for some help.

A determined and focused glint lit up in your eyes as you nodded firmly, getting out your calligraphy pen. Which Hanji asked about, you had to give her your spare for her to look at and examine in interest. (Which as time went on you found out she liked it a lot as she stole yours. She never gave it back, but you didn’t mind. That didn’t stop you from teasing her about it.)

Looking down at the notes in your lap, you weren’t surprised by her messy chicken scratch, barely legible. But you didn’t match it as you wrote. Your notes were arranged in a neat blocky font, with categories. You didn’t cut out the original pictures, instead you redrew them with pencil and inked them. No line was a waste. Not to mention, you figured she needed the pictures in every copy.

You worked quietly beside Hanji, content with listening to her small hums and her weird noises. The sigh of frustration, the exclamation of triumph, the huff she gave when something didn’t turn out the same. The groan she got when she felt tired, but still wanted to work. You worked through it all. You had to catch up to her, so even when she went to bed you silently worked on. Using the dictionary, she left for you occasionally, the drawings made inferring words much easier, and got through three of the seven binders.

Sleep began to claw at your eyes as you took a break. Your eyes drooped, everything was starting to focus in and out. You quickly wrote a small letter to Nonna and put it in your box. You didn’t have time for a long letter, so you settled just a tiny paragraph. Sealing it, addressing it. You had just closed it when your eyes closed on themselves and you passed out. Head falling onto the box and you were out.

That was how Hanji found you in the morning, cute little snorts erupted from your mouth as you hugged the box. Your head firmly on the top and your arms wrapped around it protectively. Hanji pried the box away and put it on the shelf she remembered you kept it and picked you up. She felt the top open up a bit and saw the key left on the table. As much curiosity as she held in her body. She respected you.

Locking the box tight, she held the key in her hand and got to work pulling off your shoes. She dropped the key into one of them and put them against your desk, moving onto getting you up and onto your bed. She wrapped her arms around the bend of your knees and upper back, lifting you up. She was dimly aware of how light you were, the more time she spent with you the more you reminded her of a little kid. She loved it, especially how you clung to her once she held you up. Nuzzling into her neck, mumbling tiredly in Italian. She almost squealed there and then, but refrained as she didn’t want to drop you.

“Si prega di non lasciare, ho bisogno di aiuto, ho paura.” She cooed at you as she tucked you in carefully. She pulled away and marveled at how much you got done, so many binders. How long were you awake working? Her thoughts wandered, but it didn’t even occur to her to take another look at what you said. 

No one ever listened anyway.


	8. Good Different

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are a precious cinnamon roll.

Your eyes fluttered open the next morning to see Hanji reluctantly looking at you, hands on your shoulders. She had probably shaken you into consciousness.   
Yawning, you rubbed your eyes of sleep as she pouted. 

“I didn’t really want to wake you up, but it’s breakfast. So let’s go!” You blink rapidly to try and get your brain functioning, not that you really had to as Hanji immediately grabbed your hand and dragged you out of your warm duvets.

Sighing you intertwined your fingers with hers, grabbing your boots as she tugged you out of the room. Not noticing how you weren’t even really dressed for the day.   
You were thankful that you’d fallen asleep in your uniform, your hair was a bit of a mess, but you could just brush it later. 

Shaking your head to force any remnants of sleep out of your eyes, you finally stumbled to into the dining hall. You were surprised by just how loud it was, laughter, excitement, and clean. The floors practically sparkled, just like the walls. Nothing like the hushed whispers or dirtied space of the Garrison cafeteria. It was, a nice change. Inviting.

You let Hanji lead you as you were sat down with another girl, Petra you later learned, and even Erwin joined. Which apparently was odd, but he claimed was just checking up on how you were doing. You frankly thought that he needed that coffee and a friend more than he needed you. He was down about something, in deep thought, but no one noticed beside you.

“You are okay, no?” You knew you screwed that up, it didn’t sound right. Your gaze fell to your lap and you twiddled your fingers. Toes wriggling in your boots which you’d just managed to pull on, expecting a mean word from the man. However, that wasn’t what you got, instead you heard a small laugh and a shaking head.

“Yeah, stressed out, and tired. I’m okay. There’s an issue with one of the cadets, he’s what they’re calling a Titan shifter. It’s turning out to be a mess.” Perking up, you listened carefully. You had heard of those from Nonna, some were bad, some were good. Who was it?

“Who? I knew a couple, is it someone I know?”

Erwin looked at you, confusion very apparent in his eyes. As well as concern. What was so bad about knowing a Titan shifter? Not all of them were bad, they were still human after all, didn’t he know that?

“You did? How? Do you know how dangerous it is to know that and not tell anyone?”

Shrugging, you graced Erwin with a soft smile, “I didn’t know them personally, my Nonna was saved by two shifters in Italy on ‘er way here. They saved ‘er, her, life. I thought everyone knew that Titans had close ties with humans?”

Erwin went to protest, that Titans were anything but human. He couldn’t however, you were looking at him with those eyes. They were just normal (E/C) eyes, but why did they look like they knew everything. Well, you apparently knew about shifters before anyone in the military knew they existed. You had no clue that you were holding information that was supposed to be gagged, that was never even supposed to be known by any cadet or civilian. What other things did you know? Erwin thought it best not to ask.

“Let’s not talk about this around anyone else okay? We want to avoid panic of course.” You nodded easily, you didn’t know what panic was, but it didn’t sound good. It was probably best that you avoided it at all costs. “Anyway, the Titan-shifter was a cadet, Eren Jaeger.” You smiled brightly, Eren! So he did survive, and sounds like he had a pretty exciting few days of being a graduated cadet.

“Oh! I know him, he is funny. He really doesn’t like Titans, and has some   
anger issues, but a nice boy. His friends are goofy too, one of them pranked me. It was fun.” 

Erwin looked at you again, scanning you up and down warily. You were really something… either you were naïve and stupid, or just completely unfazed by the world. He places his best guess on naïve when a soldier made a sex joke and Hanji covered your ears immediately glaring at them as you stared blankly. Obviously not getting it. Erwin frowned, at least in English, god knows what you knew in Italian was it?

He watched as you wrote something down with almost a seemingly random arrangement of letters and a couple of words from the joke. Oh shit. He gently pried the journal out of your hands and you frowned. Reaching for it almost childishly, short limbs stretched out towards it as your fingers motioned for him to bring it back to you. He crossed out the words gently, not wrecking the beautiful handwriting. 

“Not words you should know.”

Hesitantly, you nodded, scribbling out the words in dark pen quickly, before Hanji could see them too. You tore out the page and folded it into your pocket. You could toss it out later, you trusted Erwin’s judgment when it came to what you should and shouldn’t know, he knew English better than you anyways.

Barely finishing your small breakfast of toast, you simply went with it as you were picked up and pulled by Hanji. You grabbed her hand on instinct as you tripped and wobbled, before gaining your legs and walking with her calmly. You liked the feeling of holding hands, it felt safe, peaceful. You hadn’t felt like this since Nonna passed on. 

It was a gesture of kindness and trust, and besides, you liked being led. It made things easier to handle and less confusing for you. Even if it was regarded as a little childish, not that you really cared. You already felt childish with how big the spare Scouts jacket was on you. You couldn’t believe this was the smallest size they had to offer. It was okay though, Petra said that she’d hem it for you, so you could have one that fit correctly. You smiled, this place, was definitely different.

A good different.


	9. Sad World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You try your best, just hoping you don't fall short. Keep your head up okay darling?

Everything all came together easily after you got settled in that day after breakfast. You fell into an easy routine, waking up, getting breakfast, writing the notes, stopping for meals or social interactions. Always by Hanji’s side. You even got to help in the experiment’s Hanji ran. Apparently Eren got nervous around the crazy scientist and your presence seemed to alleviate it a bit. Did they know that one felt calmer when there was someone more afraid than them in the same room? Human instinct to protect those who were afraid, or rather, be stronger than them. All you really knew, was that Hanji with a note pad and a scalpel was a bit of an unsettling thing. Nether the less. You were still content in her presence.

The first day you worked you were given a quick protocol for your job. Hanji said it was pretty basic, and it was. More of common sense than specific rules. You weren’t allowed to talk about the experiments Hanji ran, or any details of what she studied. All you were to do was catalog and rewrite her notes, and to Erwin’s delight, they were actually legible. In fact, you were asked to make English copies for Erwin’s use. You found out that he had a hard time reading Hanji’s chicken scratch. You could believe that, you had a few issues reading Hanji’s handwriting too, but English was already hard for you, so you weren’t the best to judge that.

It took almost eight days, seven letters, so more of seven in a half days if you were to be honest. The specifics didn’t really matter, all seven binders were done all the same, now rewritten in both English and Italian. The drawings redrawn and neatened up as well as the samples in baggies categorized by date and type. You were amazed how Hanji had even found what she was looking for when she had to go back for old results. There was no way of organization, you added a table of contents in a separate notebook, handled by you. So when Hanji asked where something was you could give her a page number. You reminded yourself to give Erwin a copy. Oh! That was right!

Lifting the three binders of rewritten English notes you hurried off, Hanji was out doing her own errands, you could just drop these off quickly. It wouldn’t be that hard; he was just down the hall. The weight of the books however… that was a bit of a challenge as you waddled your way to Erwin’s office. You looked at the closed door, mouth closed as you stared at it intently, only peeking down at the binders which kept both of your small arms occupied.

How were you supposed to knock? Smiling, you got an idea as you balanced with one foot and rapped your toe against the door a couple of times. Getting an almost immediately answer.

“Come in.” You nervously laughed.

“Ah, Erwin sir? My hands are a bit full, may I ask of your assistance?” You heard a low grumbling of words and the door swung open only seconds later, revealing the tall blonde haired man. Bags hung under his eyes, but he still gave you a warm expression. Before taking two of the heavy binders for you.

“Come in (Y/N), I’m sorry, I was zoned out.” You tilted you head a bit, “Lost in thought.” You nodded in understanding. Mentally jotting down the expression. “How can I help you today?”

Grinning you motioned to the binders. “The rewritten versions? I finished so I came to drop them off. I hoped they’re to your liking.” You placed down the last binder and stood up proudly in front of him. Small chest puffing out and a glint in your eyes. He opened one of them curiously, then smiled genuinely. You paused, “Oh wait!” You pulled out a copy of the table of contents you had ready for him. “Here! This should help too! It’s a table of condense, continents? No… uhhh…”

“Contents?” Grinning you nodded, blushing a bit in your embarrassment.

He patted your head fondly and told you that you did a great job, effectively making you glow. Before Hanji’s voice came echoing down the hall, making you give him one last smile before darting away with a polite wave. He took a seat back at his desk as he got lost in more thoughts. He would admit, you were an odd one, but you spent so much time with Hanji, without having the urge to run away screaming, he didn’t expect normal really.

Admittedly, he was reluctant at first, a transfer from a regimen to the next was difficult, especially to reverse when Hanji would inevitably drive them away. It had happened before after all, so often that he’d put a stop to anyone outside of the Survey Corps being her assistant. He could easily say that he was happy that he finally agreed. He liked having you around here now that he knew you. No matter how odd you acted, or how strange you could be. You were a cute kid. 

A happy kid.

Though, he would have to be careful with you he knew. With young ones like you, they don’t know what’s going on sometimes. He knew you wouldn’t tell anything about Hanji’s research, on purpose at least. Still, he doubted you would spout out anything on accident either, it was definitely a wonder you have never spoke about them knowing classified Titan knowledge. If you even knew it was classified. 

Who was the Nona she mentioned? If this person was from Italy that must mean she was old, probably dead by now. Which he hoped slightly, if they were alive he would have to track them down, and that wouldn’t be any good for paperwork. Or for you. You obviously loved them, cared for them. He saw the affection in your eyes.

Erwin ran a hand through his hair, another kid on the list to watch. He cursed loudly, this was a cruel world. A confused and determined fifteen-year-old who had no clue why he did what he did, and an eighteen-year-old who was pushed around simply due to the fact they couldn’t understand and defend themselves properly.

It really was a sad world.


	10. Levi and the Brat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi meets you formally and you wait with him in your room.

Bouncing around the dorm room, you paced with an overabundance of energy. Even though the day had been long and you had just back from the lab and other weird places. Hanji made you stay here while she ran to get something, and you were slightly bored in the quiet room. You were used to being asked to stay put however. So you silently paced, before flopping down on your bed, patiently waiting. You had finished all your notes, and you had nothing left to sort. The dead quiet of the room was starting to unnerve you.

Nervously you twiddled your fingers, would she be back soon? You jumped as you heard a knock at the door. Hanji? No, this was her room, she’d just walk in. Could you answer it? It was your room too after all, right? Would Hanji be mad? You decided to chance it and you opened the door.

The door creaked open and you cursed yourself at the words that slipped out on instinct. “Sì, come posso aiutarti?” Coughing, you blushed and cleared your throat, “Sorry, how may I help you?” The man in front of you made a familiar sound as you finally looked up from the wooden floor boards. It was the man from the hallway.

“Oh, it’s you, brat. Do you know where shitty glasses is?” You tilted your head in confusion. More strange words, how interesting. Should you know these words? You had heard them before.

“What does that mean? Shhh- itty glasses? Glasses are clothing, and the other word is weird… what does it mean?” Levi kept a bored expression, but he felt a glare piercing into his back. Petra, he didn’t even have to look to know it. He almost stiffened, this was the kid that didn’t speak English. Shitty glasses would kill him if he let her repeat that word. 

“Nothing, don’t repeat that. Four eyes? Hanji, where is she?” It was like something lit up in your eyes, a respect.

“Ah, Sì! She will be back, would you like to come in and wait?” He ‘tch’ed, but nodded. Walking in he felt the same disgust whenever he entered it, Hanji was a complete slob. But he felt a bit better when he saw a clean bed and a neat desk. It was by no means dirt free, but at least he could see what color the wood was.

He took a seat at the desk chair, briefly glancing at the pile of papers, some were in English, some in a different language, and some were Hanji’s version of English, gibberish. Levi was surprised anyone could even read it, he knew damn well it took him ages to decipher it. It was practically a foreign language.

“Where did the four eyes go?” You looked at him as you sat down, cross legged on your bed. The soft material barely even shifted under your light weight. Your feet were in the crooks of your knees. The angle that they bent at made Levi want to wince. This kid. Inhuman.

“Errand? Yeah, she’ll be back soon.” Levi sighed, you probably didn’t know where this errand was, and he could be stuck here for hours knowing Hanji. She could find a spot on the wall in an all-white room, she was that easily side tracked.

“Got it, now idiot, what are you doing?” You looked at him, slyly grabbing your journal. You needed to document this. Your journal’s flap opened easily, revealing very full pages of your neat writing as you flipped to a strange list.

“Waiting, like you I guess.” You wrote down the ‘i’ word, he called everyone really strange words. You wanted to figure out what they meant. Honestly, if they were insults he didn’t sound like he really meant them. You decided to omit the ‘s’ word. You remembered now that you had heard it before and Hanji told you not to ask.

So you didn’t ask.

Levi sighed, maybe she wouldn’t take forever because of the stupid kid beside him, that wasn’t a definite however. He noticed the desk beside him as he decided to grab a book, it happened to be one of your free time novels.   
Obviously not in English, he put it down on the desk and browsed the other books. Until a tense aura caught his attention. You were stiff, as if something   
were wrong.

Looking back at the book and its empty spot on the shelf, it hit him. Alphabetical, in perfect order. Was it really? He discreetly put the book back, pretending not to notice as you relaxed again. He pulled another book, nothing. Putting it down on the desk he moved on. Watching you carefully. Your hands   
twitched.

The kid was obsessive compulsive, he almost smirked. Though, he wasn’t an asshole about it and immediately put the book back. He wasn’t OCD about cleaning like everyone thought he was, OCD was a real mental illness. He just liked things clean because of his time in filth. He couldn’t stand dirt anymore. That didn’t mean he didn’t respect people’s quirks and mindsets. He looked at the kid. 

“Got any in English?” You were still settling back down, still expecting the worse from the misplaced items, even though they were put away again. It was a habit, one that you cursed daily. You tried to hide that fact as you spoke to him, in a slightly strained voice.

“Sì, the third one.” He grabbed the third book, it was blue. A mystery book, he checked the covers, it was practically new. Well taken care of. “My Nonna gave me books when she saw me struggling with English. That’s all I have left for English however, my old Corporal asked for them to be put in the library to share. I don’t have many left anymore.”

Levi just nodded, and absently mindedly flipping through the pages, watching quietly as you wrote in that stupid journal, he wanted to know what you were writing. Plain curiosity, nothing strange or weird. He peeked over and his scowl deepened. It wasn’t English.

No shit, if it was for personal use then why would the damn Italian brat use English. It was decently fool proof idea when he looked at your notes. Hanji’s notes were only legible by her, the English ones you wrote went to Erwin according to what he heard, never leaving his office. Under lock and key still. And apparently the ones that Hanji left open for extended periods of time in public were in Italian, so no one could snoop. Easily snoop anyway. How she knew what they said, he had no idea. Maybe it was something you got for being completely off your rocker. Maybe you were teaching her, though he doubted anyone could learn a language that quickly.

There was a noise in the hallway that caught his attention. You bristled and looked at the door as if it were a monster. Irritably, he held in a sigh, it was probably just someone at the damn door way.

What the fuck was wrong with this damn brat?


	11. Tired Again

Levi straightened back up, it caught his eye as Hanji shuffled into the room, watching as you immediately went to her heels like a lost dog. Catching anything she threw at you, taking her bags and efficiently grabbing any pages that were spilling over and filing them away neatly.

Impressive, but he wouldn’t say that out loud. You could do better. You placed down the papers on your bed, in a neat little stack as you listened to Hanji ramble. You grabbed three binders and placed the originals into the first binder in order and pulled out fresh paper.

Shooing Levi away from your desk, you grabbed your calligraphy pen and immediately got to work. He glared at the back of your head, rude brat. Still, he didn’t comment surprisingly as he dragged Hanji back out.

It was a higher ups problem you guessed. Not yours, you were here to serve your friend, that was all of what you would do. You got straight into it, starting with the English version for Erwin, when you stopped abruptly. A thought crossing your mind.

“Why do I not call them by title? They aren’t cadets like me.” You pondered this for a moment, maybe they didn’t want you to? Others called them by title, but they just asked you to call them by name.

Maybe they thought titles would be difficult for you, and names would be easier.

Which is true, names were easier since no one commented on how you pronounced a name… you could handle titles however. It wasn’t impossible. Just, took a bit of memory and repetition.

Hanji came back in with her hair disheveled and her glasses askew, you didn’t question it as you opened your lips. “Why do I not call you by title like the others? I call my superiors here by name, and the others don’t. Why?” Hanji seemed a bit caught off guard by your question as you stared at her with those eyes. They were so, she couldn’t even name it, there was just something in them that made words so difficult.

“I really don’t know; shorty is usually very insistent about stuff like that, but me and Erwin aren’t really. We are just happy that you adjusted so easily. Captain Shortie, well, him not telling you to get on your knees and clean is a surprise.”

Humming, you spared her a glance before going back to your work. Talking to her mindlessly. “You know, some of my comrades pulled a prank on me. Put my cleaning supplies on the top shelf, my head injury was still new. The dark haired man, Levi was it? I’m afraid he isn’t short to me, so your name doesn’t make sense… Well, he helped me get down what I needed, and asked me why I was cleaning with a head injury. He confused me. He still does.”

The strange scientist soaked in the information and chuckled, ruffling your hair. “Yeah, he confuses a lot of people. Don’t sweat it.” You purred at her hands in your hair, she started to laugh hysterically. “You purr?! Oh my God, I need to know!” You were going to pull away when she played with your hair, tugging slightly and nuzzling the side of your head.

Your eyes got wide and you purred louder, she was tugging your hair, and that felt really nice. It wasn’t too rough, or like nothing was there. Just right. She laughed even louder. “That is so cool!!! I knew you growled sometimes, but purring?! Is it because you can roll your ‘r’s?” 

You sighed and dropped your head onto the table. “I don’t know why, but please, no. No dissecting or experimenting. No more, that.” You batted her hands away to   
emphasis what you meant by ‘that’. Hanji just giggled and you were dragged onto her lap as she spun on her swivel chair. You squealed and held onto her, afraid of falling.

She was laughing insanely as she went faster. You immediately fled, going on your bed as she whined. You turned off your lamp and hid under your covers. “It’s eleven anyway. Let’s not keep the morning waiting.” Hanji grumbled a low agreement.

“By the way (Y/N)? We’re going out tomorrow, some scouting, and hopefully plant samples I want. Just stick close to me okay? It’s a dangerous place out there.” You nodded quietly and she smiled at you, she was still amazed by your stature. 

Her pajamas hung onto your frame like curtains. You were wearing hers since yours had ripped when Hanji had accidently washed them with her jacket, the zipper easily ripping the thin material of your sleep clothes. Hanji knew she wasn’t a very large girl by most standards, but her clothes swallowed you whole.

Continuing to work deep into the night, sometimes Hanji had to bite her cheek to keep from squealing as she noticed how quickly you fell asleep. So sweet, like nothing was wrong with the world. Until she went to her own bed, she noticed a frown on your lips and your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Your breaths were shallow, shaky. She was going to speak up, asking if you were alright. Then your eyes shot wide open, you weren’t there however. Your eyes were unfocused; it was obvious that things were still catching up to   
you.

She felt a pang as you shivered, turning away and curling up into a ball. She softly called out to you, you opened your eyes and looked at her with painful eyes. Hanji felt her chest throb and hurt just at the look in your eyes. Hanji pulled down her covers as you slowly slunk over and snuck under them.

Putting down your head in a showing of shame, Hanji tutted and quickly wrapped you in a bear hug. “You’re my cuddle bug.” She felt your cold skin and held you tighter. Your face was buried in the crook of her neck as you took a breath. So warm, so nice.

(E/C) eyes slipped closed before you could even realize you were tired again.


	12. For Now

Holding onto Hanji tightly, you looked around with wonder. The trees were so tall! Their leaves were varying amounts of green, some were dark and opaque, while others were like a lime green, allowing light to pass and illuminate the forest path. You soaked in the atmosphere as your body swayed to the gentle rhythm of the horse beneath your body. The galloping clicks were consistent and comforting. It reminded you of when your Nonna taught you how to ride horses.

Recently, you’d found out that Nonna shouldn’t have told you about the outside world. You figured that out when you over heard Erwin muttering in his office. He’d been mumbling that you shouldn’t know about Titan shifters at all. Asking who Nonna was and if you’d told anyone else. That was bad, you could be tarnishing Nonna’s name. So you decided to keep most of what Nonna taught you before death to yourself. Just in case.

So of course when they asked if you knew how to ride a horse, you shook your head on instinct. They had taught it at your training camp, but you weren’t allowed to get a horse or ride it. Technically, in your records, you really didn’t know how to ride one of those gorgeous beasts. It hurt to lie, but it was necessary you thought. For Nonna. The subject was shifted when Erwin remarked that it was odd that they didn’t teach you. 

You laughed and shrugged it off, saying you were injured when they started, and then it was just sort of forgotten since you’d taken awhile to recover. It wasn’t a big issue; you just rode with another person. Which is how you got here, Hanji talking to you in hushed whispers as you huddled close to her in the group of scouts. 

The scouts, you like them, a lot. Some of them were really fun, and they always seemed to try and keep things light. They were just really good people. An example being how one of the boys put you on his shoulders after you asked what the weather was like up there. You never knew that being six feet tall was that cool. You wished you could be tall like that. There was also another girl that picked you up and swung you around like a doll, apparently just because you were cute. It was easy to say you blushed bright red up to your ears and   
stuttered your way back to Hanji.

Smiling, you relished in the feeling of fresh forest air on your skin, circulating in your lungs. It was hard to describe in your head, nothing that you could word to any of your friends. You didn’t know how to translate it. So, you left it unsaid. You were sure they felt the same way.

Eventually Hanji and you were separated as she went to find the plane samples she wanted to experiment with. You were a tad bit concerned about leaving the group in such dangerous circumstances, but you didn’t say anything or protest. You couldn’t expect to be trusted if you didn’t put your whole trust into the relationship. Whether it was platonic or romantic. That’s why you followed her without question, not even flinching or protesting when Hanji told you to stay on the horse as she went to climb a tree. She didn’t want the horse to run off, so you stayed on the horse, petting its neck and cooing at it.

Such a handsome horse.

Its velvety fur was burning on your freezing hands, it felt like a flooding of warmth racing into you. That wasn’t really why you like it however. You always have loved animals, they had something you envied. Unconditional love. They could love you no matter what. You wished you could do that, instead those doubts creeped in, those bad memories, tainting your love. The guilt when you caught those doubts slinking around your skull was worse than the tainted love.

You wished you could love everyone unconditionally.

Running your hands through the horse’s mane, you hummed an Italian lullaby as you waited for Hanji to get back. Only jolting out of your trance as you heard a yell, “(Y/N)! The others! I can’t get down, they need help! Take the horse! Just try your best, he’s a good horse! I’ll catch up!” 

Desperate times, desperate measures. Why did that phrase feel familiar? You didn’t stay on those thoughts for long. Instead you nodded and kicked your heels. 

“Sì! Stay safe ‘Anji!” With that you were speeding off, leaving Hanji in the dust. You raised your hips above the saddle so you wouldn’t be hurt or bruised as you leaned forward, your chest almost parallel with the sprinting horse.

“That’s it, let’s keep going, good boy. Bravo ragazzo, possiamo farli.” (Good boy, we can make it.) You whispered into the horse’s ear as it came into sight. A Titan, maybe ten meters tall. You weren’t good with measuring by eye however, the more concerning thing was what it was doing. It was reaching for Petra. You pulled the reigns abruptly and the horse skidded to a stop. You wasted no time as you jumped off and shoved Petra out of the way.

Shock was written all over her face as she was thrown to the ground and the Titan caught your new scout’s cloak. Instead pulling you up to it mouth. A human was a human in it mind. You ignored the shouts as you grinned. 

“Hello, how do you do? Not bad?” It gets closer, its hot breath was fanning your skin. You had to forcibly hold back a shudder of disgust at the smell of blood that emitted from its mouth. 

“Well, your day will get worse, sorry!” You kicked it in the face to confuse it as you unclipped your cloak and fell. Quickly using your gear to get behind it and efficiently cut the neck. You knew you weren’t going fast enough, so it wasn’t a surprise as it turned around, still living. Not deep enough! You laughed harder as you shot away, you’d stalled as much as you could in one swing. It seemed to be enough however as the other scouts snapped back into the moment and tried their own luck at attacking it. You hopped onto a branch, watching and catching your breath as Petra landed right next to you.

“Thanks, you were really lucky you know? That thing could have killed you. Killed me.” You just grin at her.  
“No problem, after all. How does it go? They can’t touch this~” You cackle again as you jump and swing. You were recharged and there was no way you were missing a piece of the action. You noticed the Titan gaining focus again, so you threw a twig at it and whistled loudly. 

“’Ey! Buddy! Got a bone to pick with me? Yoo-hoo!” You cackled again and shot away as it reached for you. Leaving it open for the others to attack it again. You grinned as you played on your ropes. If you couldn’t cut it deep enough, you’d help out in keeping it from killing the ones who could.

Eventually it was killed, with a few injuries, but luckily no casualties. You grinned again as Hanji came, sprinting full throttle from the inner part of the forest. Smiling widely as she saw your relatively unscathed form. Just a couple of scratches from twigs, and the one time that you fell from a branch and landed on your leg funny. She was still far away when you felt a slap on the back of your head. A rush of fear washed over you immediately and you put down your head instantly and submissively.

“That was stupid of you, but you’re damn fast. How did you do that twisting thing?” You were brought back from your head as you smiled shakily at the scout.

“Ah, that, I kind of got blown away actually. I didn’t plan it, I kind of literally, how does it go? Go with the flow. Wait, that would be went.” The scout smiled and gave a small chuckle before he patted you on the shoulder and went to his friends. Hanji sat by you.

“Heard you took the first stab and got caught by it. Eventful day?” You shrugged.

“I get grabbed a lot, I just suck in my gut and drop. Whoosh! I’m free.” Your wide hand gestures and smile made Hanji smile. She ruffled your hair affectionately and stayed with you as everyone seemed to settle down and get back to work. Hanji swung her leg over and got onto the saddle, helping you up onto her horse, she didn’t mention the fact she now knew that you rode. It wasn’t in your records, so as far as anyone was concerned you really didn’t. Maybe it was pure instinct, or observation that you knew.

Hanji looked at your innocent face, now questioning everything. She always knew you lied to keep things simple, clean, and easy for everyone else. Or you lied to protect someone. Or lied to keep humility. In all honesty, you hardly lied at all, but you had a lot of reasons to if you had to. That was Hanji's hypothesis. It was just that Hanji was starting to realize that as innocent as you were, you also knew things. A lot of things. More than she’d first thought. You were no longer some open book.

Now she saw you as that one kid on the playground, the one that shows up with the big smile, but disappears as soon as the fun is over. The one that leaves you wondering, kept in a shroud of mystery. Hanji felt your tiny arms around her waist and she dismissed the curiosity. No one would notice, they wouldn’t really look as deep as they needed to see that shadowy cover unless they had to. Besides. You weren’t going anywhere anytime soon. She didn’t have to worry about that in the now. So she didn’t. She instead just focused on talking about her plant samples and listening intently to the soft answers you would give in turn.

For now, this was fine. Even perfect.

It was happy.


	13. No Failure, Only Success

Hanji lunged, reaching for the wooden dagger in Petra’s grasp. Failing that time, but still not faltering. This was training, and you were next up after Hanji. You wanted to get a jump start, so you studied each of their movements closely. You didn’t want to feel failure, or feel useless. If you studied, you would know, you wouldn’t feel bad. 

Two things you needed to have success, knowledge, and two was to perform it right. Perfect. Never accept less than that. You saw as Hanji fell to her bum and got a knife at her throat. She laughed, even in the face of failure. You marveled. 

“Alright (Y/N), why don’t you give it a shot now? You can’t be any worse than me last round.” You gave a small smile, getting off your bottom and brushed off your pants.

Walking up to Petra, you put your hands up. She looked at you a little strangely, but seemed to shrug it off. “Funny placement, never seen someone hold their hands like this, but let’s see how you fair.” You guessed you could see why she was unsure about your defense. Your inner wrists were pointed up, your knuckles tilted at each other as you slightly twisted your body, your feet stable. Different from other soldiers.

Petra went after you as soon as Hanji counted it off. Your eyes hardened and glinted in focus, the look caught Petra off guard. But she quickly ignored it and threw a punch. To which, you did something unexpected. You didn’t block the punch, or catch it really. Instead your one arm caught her wrist. Throwing your arm up, you smirked as it caused Petra’s arm to go up with it and in a funny direction. You used the momentum to get a step closer as you spun on your heel, catching her other wrist with your fingertips. You spun again in the opposite direction, causing Petra to go to her knees as her arm now bent behind her back and the wooden knife was at her collarbone. Held by you.

The female scout laughed as you smiled and helped her up. “That was good, you take self defen-?” She didn’t get to finish her question as Hanji appeared behind her. You didn’t react or jump as Hanji dragged you off and away from the training area. Your eyes caught the clock and you noticed it was lunch time. Must be why Hanji was insistent on leaving, you let her drag you as you smiled. Perfect, you were successful. Not worthless yet.

Not still useless.

Watching your retreating form, Petra was dimly aware of the fact you dodged every question that was thrown your way, but not enough to really ask about it. You were a hyper kid, with a hyper guardian, you didn’t really sit still. Smirking, she turned to the male who was watching from a distance. 

“What are you doing again?”

“Watching idiot.”

Snickering, Petra gave a snarky reply. “Yeah, watching. More like eyeing the kid like they’re your favorite mop.” Levi gave Petra a dark glare, which would cause anyone but his comrades to fear being brutally murdered by a midget. Petra just shrugged it off.

She grabbed her water bottle and unscrewed the cap. “You know; I am curious to why the Garrison’s never really put her on offensive positions. She’s fast, and even though she didn’t hit me, she did force me to my knees before I could even know what she was doing.”

The female mused, “Maybe because of how small she is, I could have probably just lifted and thrown her if she hadn’t had taken the knife from me. She’s so light. I don’t even know her weight and I know for a fact the wind could blow her away.” Levi just grunted and walked away.

As annoying as Petra was, she made a fairly understandable point. The stupid kid was pretty skilled, even if they were somehow shorter than himself. Something that Hanji joked as being nearly impossible. His eyes glanced at the folder in his hand, the Garrisons put reasons to everything that was questionable about (Y/N)’s experience in the army, but he still didn’t get it.

Difficulty with communication? He could understand the brat fine, their words were sometimes off, and the idiot didn’t know when someone was insulting them. That wasn’t really an issue however, it wasn’t like they couldn’t understand a command, or get the gist of what he wanted them to do. They’d had a bit of an issue when he asked the strange kid to salute and they looked like a deer caught in head lights. Until Hanji made the gesture, then the stupid kid copied it. They haven’t made the same delay or mistake since. He guessed that they associated the word with the action.

Struggles with social ques and interaction? You got along with the rest of the Survey Corps very well, if anything you actually got along with them better than some other people in it. Sometimes someone would swear at you, or make a mean joke, but usually they respected when you didn’t understand what they said and tried to help you. That whole naive and little kid aura you gave off probably had something to do with that. That damn jacket hung off of you like a curtain.

Angrily, he read more excuses, more useless data, things that usually were required that you were forced to sit out of. He didn’t get it. He let out an irritated sound, thoroughly annoyed. The brat apparently wasn’t taught jack shit, besides cleaning. He wasn’t going to complain about that fact, cleaning was important. But he wasn’t happy that they hadn’t bothered to try and advance your skills further than a basic cadet. It was almost like they neglected you out of pure spite.

Levi waited outside of the mess hall until he saw your familiar mop of (H/C). Perfect timing, he acted immediately, grabbing your arm and tugging you away from Hanji. He saw hesitation in your eyes, until Hanji nodded at him and gave you a smile. You relaxed a bit and hooked onto his hand, grabbing onto it with your fingers tightly. He jolted unnoticeably as you then toddled at his side, like a freaking little kid. He tsked, you had the blind trust of a damn ankle-biter, that was for sure. The instincts of one too. He didn’t let go of you hand, seeing as he wasn’t sure if he could peel the offending fingers from his hand. He instead used the grip to drag you off to the stables. Where he forced you onto an unclaimed horse, leaving you to get familiar with it as he mounted his own.

Suspiciously, he noticed as you fit your feet into the holds and grabbed the reigns almost automatically. He raised an eyebrow, but brushed it off. You had ridden with Hanji, she might have taught you some just for the hell of it. Hanji really seemed to watch over you, like a doting elder sibling. 

“That’s your damn horse now, let’s go brat.”

The older scout jerked his head at the open stable doors as you nodded, gently nudging the horse. He snorted, that wasn’t going to work… He was forced to swallow his unspoken words as the horse treaded over to the door, stopping immediately as you tugged on the reigns gently. You looked back at him with those bright doe eyes. Levi just narrowed his own eyes, you grinned and laughed. 

“You do the weird eye thing too! That’s so bizarre!” You laughed a bit more as he dropped his glare. Just how freaking clueless was this brat. Did they not know when someone was glaring at them? He sighed inwardly, this was going to be a long evening. This kid was hopeless.

Or so he thought.


	14. All the Right Answers

It turned out for him that you were easier to teach that he had been assuming. Sure, you didn’t know squat about the English terms for certain things, that was a bit challenging and frustrating at times. Until he figured out that all he had to do was to say the word and do the action. Sometimes it took a bit of repeating, but you caught onto the actions immediately once you saw how they were done and were able to compare the word with the actual thing. 

He wished all brats were this easy to teach, you didn’t even protest when he insulted you. You just tried harder. Maybe you didn’t understand what insults he was yelling at you, but that shouldn’t really matter. The stupid cadets should   
listen and fix their mistakes as soon as he pointed them out.

Soon enough the basics were covered and the two of you were galloping   
side by side lazily and easily. A perfect opportunity to try and force some answers out of you. 

“Hey brat,” You looked up with those damn doe eyes he was starting to really hate and nodded. “Got a question for you, or questions. I don’t care if you don’t like them, you’ll answer them all.” You nodded again with a small smile. Those god damn eyes.

“How was your time in the Garrisons? You file doesn’t give specifics and I need to fill out the fucking form. Shitty eyebrows is making me.”

You tilted your head as your body swayed in time with the horse. “Ah, sì, it was good! I was a bit lonely, and they were hard to understand, but it was okay. I cleaned a lot, I’m successful at cleaning anyway, so I didn’t mind. They did weird things, but I watched body language, so it got easier.”

Levi was bored by the end of it, long fucking sentences. “Oh really?”

Smiling at him, you regarded him in a friendly manner. “Yeah! If they turned away, that meant unwelcome, if they did that weird eye thing then they yelled more often, and if they raised their hand or foot I knew that I usually had to flee. You know, just in case.”

Interest was reignited, Levi prodded at that. “Raised their hand huh? What do you mean brat?” You looked at him and put a hand on your chin.

“What was that word? ’It or something? I can’t remember, but they were kind of bad to me.” You put your head down. “I had a hard time with peers, I couldn’t understand them, they talk so fast, without saying what they meant.” You brightened up. “Here is better, I can understand, you use the words too, but I know they don’t mean as much.”

Levi raised an imperceptible eyebrow, what the hell was wrong with this kid. English or not they should know when someone was threatening them, or making fun of them. It sounded like their time in the Garrisons was rough. Listening to this kid talk was almost plain depressing. He wondered if their Corporal ever found out about how they treated them. “Well, that’s stupid brat, did you tell your superior?”

You smiled, “He knew, I don’t think he cared that much. I wasn’t complaining to be far… fair? Yeah, fair. That’s it.” You hummed happily as you felt the evening sun hit your skin, warming you up a bit. You were always cold.

This time Levi sighed out loud, this kid was completely hopeless. He knew they were naïve, but were they really this stupid? If they grew up where he did there was no way they’d be alive. He decided to move on, the past was in the past anyway. 

“Alright, what about family ties, I don’t have any here. Parents?”

You thought on that for a second. No, you wouldn’t tell, but you had to answer, so you kept it as vague as possible. “My Nonna, grandmother, she essentially raised me. I loved her. Papa was a bad man, I never met him.” 

Nodding, Levi pretended to listen, disinterest was now creeping back in. Daddy issues weren’t his problem, or really anything he cared to hear about.   
“My Nonna knew a lot though, so I was fine. She was from Venice! Anything   
else?”

“Yeah, how are you this stupid?” Levi spat that out on instinct and wasn’t really expecting an answer, but he definitely didn’t expect the words that tumbled out of your mouth. Even if he had wanted an answer.

“Ignorance is bliss, if I’m stupid, maybe, it’s for the best. As long as I can serve humanity, I am happy.” With the Levi went completely silent as you put your horse back into its stable. Patting it affectionately before you wondered off, probably to become Hanji’s shadow again.

“You’re a fucking weirdo.” He knew he was alone, but the words just had to be said. Levi shook his head and looked at the stables in disgust once more. He would have to get some of those cadets to clean up this mess. They better do it right too.

Walking to his own personal room, he never gave anymore thought to the answers you fed him. After all, as odd as they were, they were complete, and in some ways the right ones to make him quiet. Satisfied. What Levi didn’t realize, was that you had told him all the right things to keep him silent purposely. All while telling the truth, even if it wasn’t everything. Especially about your family.

You weren’t so stupid were you?


	15. Believe

Working with Hanji in the days, and now that everything was all caught up, you got evenings to work and train with various scouts. You even got to ride horses with Armin, you were delighted to see him. Talking with him was always fun. He thought your thoughts on language and social behaviors were interesting. Listening to him was the best part however.

He always spoke to you about the outside world, you only knew of what your Nonna told you about that place very vaguely. So new information was really cool to learn. Today was no different. Hard work, strenuous training, and peacefully riding. Now it was late evening and things were winding down. Your back stung, bruises throbbing painfully. Yet you still ignored it. A little pain was nothing. Though how you got them was a little embarrassing.

It turns out, Petra was really into flipping people. Being the shortest and lightest person training with them. Obviously, you were the easiest one to flip. 

Of course she felt bad when she noticed it taking a toll on your posture and the fact that you struggled to your feet without saying nothing. Which she noted and immediately stopped, instead working on your punching. Which really did need work. As fast as you were, you weren’t very strong. Speed could get you to cut deep enough on a Titan, but you weren’t always going to be able to zip around and get the momentum. You needed to be able to cut deep enough without momentum as an assistant.

So sparring with Petra, and sometimes Mikasa, was the solution. You rubbed your cheek absentmindedly, Mikasa sometimes was better to try and avoid however, she had a good right hook. Blocking, hurt, getting hurt, worse. Countering, near impossible. 

Shaking your head, you sat down at your chair writing another letter. Something you always did, ending your day with a letter. You had a dedication to it, you just couldn’t not write one. So, you wrote down a proper letter, one just about anything and everything. You had just finished up as you put the letter in the box as Hanji walked in the door. Excited as always, she loved her experiments that much. Especially when she got to work with Eren.

“Hey, what’cha doing? Those letters again? Why do you do those? Can I see?” Hyper, just like always. It was something you were extremely familiar with, it made you smile and even though you shook your head at her.

“No, they are personal I fear.” Hanji simply nodded understandingly and   
continued on to talk your ear off. It was a comforting sound as you relaxed, listening to her voice, until you decided to get up and get dressed for bed. She stopped immediately as she noticed you wincing as you stood up.

“Oh! That’s right, I heard you had sparring with Mikasa and Petra today! That’s rough.” Hanji laugh sheepishly. “I know I wouldn’t want to face those two alone, not even mentioning fighting them on the same day. Come here, let me see what I can do.”

Shakily nodding and you didn’t even think as you stripped yourself of your shirt without a protest. Until you felt the cold air hit your back, touching places that immediately reminded you that you should have really just kept your shirt on. Your face exploded into a cherry red blush as you exposed your skin to her. Bruises were on your back, as well as these strange horizontal lines. They were pretty thick, and all traveled from one side of your body to the other. Scar tissue. Hanji poked them, making you shudder, it didn’t hurt. It was the unsettling fact that they were numb, you couldn’t feel her touching your scars through the thick tissue. 

“What are these?” You squirmed uncomfortably, you didn’t like being so exposed, it was cold. Strange. It made you feel so vulnerable. It wasn’t a feeling you like at all.

“They’re old, just stupid events. I was a reckless child.” You winced as Hanji prodded at one of the dark purple bruises on your spine. “Honestly I still am.”

Hanji snorted, “You got that right, weren’t you the one that made fun of the Titan on our scouting mission? And yes, I did hear about that. Petra was laughing so hard she almost collapsed when someone brought it up in the mess hall.” You laughed nervously, it sounded like a good idea at the time. But then you realized you weren’t alone like you usually were when you made a joke, or argued with them.

“Don’t act like you aren’t guilty too Hanji!” Hanji laughed and didn’t deny it. Instead she just put some weird cream on your bruises, including your old marks, and threw you a big shirt. It didn’t even cover both your shoulders at a time, but you didn’t mind.

Giggling, you tried to shield yourself as Hanji whapped you with your bandanna teasingly, “Now, I’ll be back, be good alright~” She left just as soon as your blood ran cold in your veins. You paled, turning white as the sheets on your bed. You shook off the initial shock, turning off the lights and curling up under your covers. Hanji wasn’t here for night time this time. You couldn’t fall asleep to her heartbeat. That made you frown, until you shook your head again.

You were fine, you were fine.

It was a mantra in your head, urging you to move forward, as if convincing you that you were, would make it true. If you believed it, they would believe it. You were always fine, and you were always going to be fine. If they believed it, you would believe it too.

…

Hopefully.


	16. Feelings

Cleaning duty was your task today. Something that you hadn’t had to do in a long time. It was refreshing honestly, it had been so long, yet still the rag felt natural in your hand. The bandanna holding back your hair, the heavy bucket weighing down your arm as you carried it down the wood corridor the one that you were determined to clean until it was spotless. 

Hanji was out today, with Erwin for some meeting. Apparently the Garrison regimen was having issues, something about a building having a gas leak. You couldn’t remember her entire explanation that well. She’d said everything so fast, packing her materials quickly, giving you a small hug and a kiss on the forehead in farewell. Leaving you confused and embarrassed in your shared room. Eventually you wandered away and found something useful to do. Thus, here you were, a cleaning rag in hand and a section of hallway under your responsibilities.

No one walked through the quiet corridor. It was just the empty offices of the superiors, so it was easy to maintain. You got on your hands and knees to clean it, mostly crawling to not touch your unclean boots on the floor. Another good thing about this section was not worrying about people trekking muddy boots or other dirt when they walked past. Or seeing you look so stupid with your feet in the air, hands on the ground with your knees. You could only imagine how strange and immodest you looked.

The hallway was a breeze and soon you were moving on to clean the offices. Each one being relatively clean already, until you found the last one of your section. Hanji’s office, you sighed with a heavy heart. This was going to be a trip, you knew this was too easy. You really loved Hanji, but she was a bit of a slob. Holding your breath, you just opened the door and walked in. Immediately getting to work, sorting papers and putting them in their correct drawers. Putting pens away, straightening books; there were some stray jackets and a cloak, you put them on her desk chair. You could grab them if you did laundry today.

Moving on, you dusted the shelves, cleaned the desk and swept the wood floor. Making sure everything was neat, orderly, and clean. It took less time then you thought as you smiled in satisfaction. Everything looked nice, you even cleaned the windows, which was a chore on its own due to all the chemical splatters on it that didn’t like the come off. You were content with your work, you were unsure if you could even get it to look half this clean.

The door creaked open, startling you as peeked behind you. The newly open window blew some cool air into the room, moving your hair out of your face as you identified the figure. It was Levi, you smiled at him. 

“Ciao!” He simply grunted, you didn’t mind however. Normally it was rude, but that was just Levi. He was fine the way he was. Funny and an overall nice, just blank faced and rude. Like a, what was it again. Tsundere?

“You clean everything else brat?” 

“Sì! I clean, cleaned, the hallways and offices… 26 through 34? That was the numbers right?” He nodded absentmindedly as he inspected the room, it wasn’t the best job with this room. However, for Hanji’s office, and you being… you. He   
thought it was acceptable, but he had a reputation to keep up. So acceptable, would have to be pushed up a little.

“Do the windows in the hall again, they were filthy.” His words were clipped and short, you nodded your understanding. With that being said, he walked away stiffly. You didn’t complain as you immediately followed him out and separated from him to begin the windows. Cleaning them all over again. He was right, you did screw up a little on them. You would fix it.

Levi felt a smidge of relief, he had a small piece of apprehension that he was going to have to kick you for protesting or such. If he did, Hanji and the rest of the squad would have killed him, but if he didn’t the cadets would probably whisper around, saying he had a preference towards you.

He didn’t need stupid rumors like that from the brats under his control. It made them think he was going soft, which was ignorant. He wasn’t soft on anyone. He just didn’t have a death wish. Hanji would fucking murder him, friend, superior or not if he touched the damn kid. A few other scouts probably would too. It was like you were fucking hypnotic. Snap your fingers and people were out for blood. Damn brat. 

Looking back, he watched as you looked at the upper window in disdain. Levi   
almost sighed, damn shortie, did the stupid kid need help with every damn thing… oh. How did you do that? He observed as you looked to your side, seeing a rope that lay abandoned on the floor. You grinned widely as you grabbed it flipped it over the thick beams of the ceiling and climbing it swiftly and wrapping it around your legs to effortlessly support your weight. Leaving your hands free to clean as you balanced and cleaned the window happily.

Stupid, yet you were resourceful, you were a walking oxymoron. Levi growled, he swore to god, this cadet was trying to fuck with him. One minute he’s questioning your ability to even to do simple math or menial tasks, and the next he’s wondering just how smart you are. Not being able to ride a horse, yet being able to gather the courage and escape a titan’s grasp. One moment you were staring at the window as if it were going to magically move into your reach. Then you actually did something about it to get the job done. He was seriously wondering if you were pretending to be stupid to help yourself.

Leaving you behind to clean, another thought meandered into his head. Maybe, he could figure some more things out. The Garrisons were coming to stay with the Survey Corps for a bit while a gas leak was being fixed. Your old legion. He could see how you interacted with them, and work at figuring you out a different way. By the way you reacted in certain situation, maybe catching you when you thought you were alone. That journal could be a last option.

Things out of place bothered you. Things being all scrambled, dirty, and full of rubbish was what bothered him. A pet peeve that made him tick. He wanted to straighten out his thoughts, and figure this out. Clean it up and put it into a box. Solve this damn thing so this curiosity would be sated and he could go on his merry way. He didn’t like not knowing things. And you were just like a fucking jigsaw puzzle. An enigma. How did one single brat do this to him? It was driving him absolutely mad.

These god damn feelings. They’d go away soon enough though.

Right?


	17. Ameno

Biting your lip, your eyes watched them walk by carefully, cautiously, fearfully. It was your old corporal and a lot of the people from your squad, the ones that had the mean looks and the hurtful words. Forcing yourself to turn away, you continued nibbling on your bread. Slowly you unnoticeably scooted a little closer to Eren. Shying away from where they were coming from. Eren was tall, people were afraid of what he could do. You weren’t afraid. So, Eren was the perfect protection, he was strong and loyal. Not to mention he was very kind. A person you were comfortable with.

Eren didn’t notice your gradual approach, the way you eventually pressed against him, ducking to be even smaller and fit quite easily under his shoulder. At least, he didn’t say that he did, the only one to notice were a couple of Garrison boys. They sniggered at your obvious apprehension, mocking you, pointing. It made you very uncomfortable, you burrowed your cheek into his arm.   
Mikasa noticed the movement, and looked around. Sensing your discomfort, she moved closer to you as well. She wasn’t really angry about you being so close to Eren, you almost reminded her of Armin. You weren’t out to hurt anyone. You were someone she saw as needing a watchful eye, just like Eren, only you were smaller, and less of a handful. The intimidating female glared at the passing boys venomously, hovering by your side through the rest of lunch. You were so thankful, the gratitude increased once again as Hanji grabbed your hand and led you to her office as soon as breakfast let out. Not letting you wander alone, or if you wanted to think the worst, not letting anyone get the opportunity to get you alone. Hanji excitedly showing you everything that she collected so far from the plants. The nutrients and ways the different chemicals and herb could be used for medication. She wanted to try them out on people, another experiment that you politely refused.

Bobbing you head, you let her ramble on like always as you sorted through your papers and items. Sitting on your calves in your chair in the odd way that you’d always had. It made the desk easier to reach, as well as the fact you didn’t have to let your feet dangle. You still didn’t know how it was even possible to be as small as you were. You were still nodding along with her as someone walked into the office. You looked up and grinned widely and saluting as you saw a familiar face. You cringed as you realized you forgot to stand up, but you had kneeled up, with the desk obstructing your legs you hoped it looked like you were standing.

“Good afternoon Commander!” Pixis smiled at you and chuckled good naturedly.

“To you as well Cadet (Y/N). You too Hanji. Have either of you seen or happen to know where Lance Corporal Levi is?” You shook your head softly; you didn’t see him at breakfast today. Or Erwin now that you were think about it. You looked to Hanji who directed him in the direction of Erwin’s office. Titles, co-man-derre, or was it der? You waited until he left to open your mouth and speak. 

“I said that right, didn’t I?”

“See.”

“Sì, with an accented ‘I’ mio amico.” Hanji peeked at you from between her fingers as she face palmed.   
“What does that mean?” You looked at the ceiling, a thoughtful look on your face.

“My... my... I know there is an English term for it.” You grabbed your dictionary and flipped through it, your eyes scanned the page until you caught it.   
“Ah! Friend, friend. That’s a funny word, English can be so goofy no?” Hanji gave you a soft smile, which you didn’t notice as you buried yourself in your work.   
“Yes, yes it can be, but not as goofy as people.”

“Ameno.”

“Do you mean amen?”

“Why do people not end your word in vowel, how do you feel complete with yourselves?”

“Pfft, not like that if you can get what I’m saying.”

“Perché?”

“Topic for another day.”

Grinning, you smiled at Hanji and clapped your hands. She remembered perche! That was a small victory! Now there was only fourish question words to go! And inversion, and question format, and pitch changes.

Oh, you had a long way to go before Hanji was even slightly fluent didn’t   
you? It gave you a new found respect for Nonna, teaching someone to speak a language, much less two, and to a little child? That must have been difficult.

Humming you smiled and pulled out a dictionary and motioned for Hanji to get her own notebook out. It was free time, that meant Italian lessons! You spread out your own notebook and drew a six space square. Grinning even wider.

“This time, we’re conjugating mangio!” Teaching someone was harder than it seemed. But, you knew it would be worth it. When Hanji actually said a complete sentence correctly a warmth flooded your chest. You had missed hearing your language.

It was so worth it.


	18. Confused Misunderstanding

Scampering across the trail, you high tailed it to the training feilds with a giggle on your lips and a massive grin. Sasha and Connie were flanking you, carrying armfuls of bread, which as you can guess was stolen. After all, you were kind of an accomplish... You think back to when they asked you to distract the guards, they told you to wear a low collared shirt. Which you did, their advice was probably for the best, they seemed pretty experienced in these endeavors. The really strange part was wearing it, the wind was freezing on your exposed skin and collar bone and the guards stared oddly. It weirded you out, they looked at you funnily. You didn’t even have to say anything to distract them. You supposed that was a good thing to know. You would have to keep it in mind, you didn’t like how they looked at you, but if an emergency arose it could be useful. 

Peeking behind you, you felt confused as you didn’t see Connie or Sasha. You skidded to a stop, spinning on your heels. Studying each and every shadow. You were going to call out to them when you were picked up by the back of your shirt. You yelped as you felt your shirt ride up to constrict uncomfortable around your rib cage, the protruding bones being the only thing keeping it from going further up and exposing your bra. Your ribs were also the things that caught the shirt and lifted you into the air painfully. You blushed bright red, but didn’t struggle in fear of showing more skin to your captors. 

“Look what I caught boys!”

Swiveling your head, three male soldiers were now in your view, their   
jackets baring a symbol of two roses intertwined. A symbol you were very familiar with, an insignia that you were extremely anxious to see again with no other scout in sight. You almost whimpered at the realization. 

“Well, aren’t you a pretty kitty. Wait, isn’t this the moron who speaks crappy English with that stupid accent.” Huh? Your thoughts escaped your tongue before you could bite them back, your time in the Survey Corps had already dulled your fear out speaking out of line. Of thinking that anything you said was stupid. They were so patient and kind... You regretted the sentence as soon as it left your lips.

“Accent...? Don’t those go on letters?”

The one holding you snickered and the one to his right started full blown laughing. His breath was foul and hot against your face, it made you gag. Squirming in disgust, trying to wriggle out of his grasp. Away from him, them. All of them.

“Oh boy, you weren’t kidding with this one. This’ll be easy won’t it?” You were so confused, until you felt a hand on your back, tracing your spine with slow languid movements. Feeling the skin with their own hands and fingers. You squeaked and kicked out your legs, his hand was warm on your near frozen skin, but in the worst ways. You hated it, burning, repulsive. The tears were building up in your eyes quicker than you could blink them away. 

“Eh, damaged goods, but overall not bad.” You felt his hand go to your stomach, on your ribs. You choked back a sob. “Skinny too, not my taste, I prefer a little meat. But who really cares? It’s the goods and the price that counts.” You had enough as you felt his hand go lower, almost touching your waistband. Going to your belt.

“Allontanarsi bastardi sporchi! Lasciami solo! Qualcuno, per favore! cazzi economici! Mi mordo dannazione , temere il nome della mia famiglia!” [Get away dirty bastards! Leave me alone! Somebody, please! Cheap dicks! I bite damn it, fear of my family name!] The guys began to panick as they put you down, holding you against their chests and trying to cover your mouth as you continued to scream and shout insults at them. Panicking and screeching, hoping to kick them away, or to get someone’s attention. Someone’s help.

You hoped it’d work.

A dark aura stole over the four of you like a shadow, you would’ve trembled if it weren’t for your restricted movements. Or the dirty hands over your mouth, gripping your body painfully to try and hold you still, trying to keep you compliant. The voice was calm, deep and gravelly, but you could pick up the hidden anger. The anger you had trained yourself to find with every breath and glance sent your way.

“Just what are you three doing?” You looked at the figure, terrified, tears were on your cheeks as you tried to writhe from their winding arms and pull down your shirt. Which was riding up because of one of their arms grasping onto it. It was a painfully tight grip; it was beginning to get difficult to breathe. The tears and panic were only making it much harder.

“N-Nothing Commander! We were just messing around, right boys?” He nudged his friends, who all nodded swiftly. Digging their fingers into your side, prompting a wince and a reluctant nod. You heard a scoff.

“Really, is that so? Why don’t you let the one in your arms tell me that then? If you’re just messing around she’d comply and tell me so, would she not?” You hiccuped as you recognized the voice. 

“Erwin, aiutami per favore, non voglio che facciano il dolore a me stesso.” [Erwin, help me please, I don't want them to hurt myself] Your stress was too high for you to keep a clear head and translate, you were near hysterical. All you wanted was to get away, to reach out and have Hanji hold you tighter than them, in a more comforting way. Run her fingers through your hair as you both relaxed in the dim candle light of your room. The males near you cowered in fear as they picked up one word in your sentence, the fact you were on a first name basis with a commander.

Erwin was confused, but he realized they were too. No one else in the military knew Italian to his knowledge. It was a rare language in the walls as it was. German being the most common of foreign languages. Though the terror laced in the pitch of your voice and the tear stains on your cheeks spoke more than your words. He didn’t even need to look at your face and the red marks on your hips, the marks caused by rough handling, to know you didn’t want to be there, he could feel it in the way you shook like a leaf in violent wind. The way you couldn’t even translate your words. He used their confusion to his advantage.

“Is that so... well (Y/N), let’s fix this little issue then.” It wasn’t hard to swiftly grab you away, their grips had loosened in shock. He propped you up onto your legs, letting you walk on your own. The anger and need to spite them was rolling off of you in ways, maybe not anger, but you were concentrated heavily on standing up straight and proud. You didn’t want help in front of them. He gave them a half-glance, memorizing their faces. 

“Your superior will be hearing of this incident, am I clear?” They nearly shit themselves as they ran away, tails between their legs. The sight almost made you laugh. 

Gotta love Erwin.


	19. Dangerous

Sighing, he didn’t look as they disappeared, not caring to as he bent down and picked you up. Fully supporting your weight, he was surprised by the lack of strain. How much did you even weigh? You were so small, was being this little as a grown adult even healthy? He guessed it was, seeing as you were still able to breathe fine and function. If you didn’t you wouldn’t have been in the military to begin with. 

The breaths that escaped your lips were heavy, panting, but that wasn’t unexpected, you were probably still pretty shaken up. He knew you didn’t have the best life in the Garrisons, but this? Really? He was disappointed in their Corporal for allowing such behavior. It was unacceptable. He regarded you gently, softly shaking you to regain your attention. 

“Hey, are you okay? What happened? I don’t really know Italian so, that was a bold bluff.” You giggled weakly as you put your head back on his strong shoulders. Reveling in his warmth. It was comforting, and nice. Better than their warm hands. He practically exuded safety from him. You felt secure. 

“They lifted me by my shirt and touched my skin, I was scared, they raised their fists, but I couldn’t run this time. My feet weren’t on ground.” Erwin raised an eyebrow, it was as if you had no clue what they were doing. Not even a gist or a single clue. He’d heard a few of the lines and it was clear to him what was going on. It wasn’t even a mugging, it was going to be a kidnapping. Didn’t you know that?

Crap, you didn’t, did you? You were mistreated so easily because you had no clue what it was, or what to do. How to protect yourself. You didn’t know what to do, because you didn’t know what you were even fighting or protecting yourself from. He for once, found your innocence to be a dangerous thing, not for him, but rather for you.

“Alright, I see, what were you even doing out this late?” You giggled a bit.

“Sasha and Connie, is that, how does it go again? Enough said?” Erwin sighed, sadly yes that was enough said. He already had no inkling of what you would do out so late, but if you were with them it was a flashing sign. Damn cadets.

“Did you take anything?” You looked at him and shook your head, they had bread, but you didn’t grab one for yourself. You had just gone with them because they had asked, you’d always wanted to hang out with peers and have fun. So you made the resolve to do just that. Maybe it hadn’t been such a bright idea, next time you’d ask Hanji first. Would she be disappointed in you?

“Good girl.” At least Erwin wasn’t angry or disappointed. You almost purred at the praise as he patted your head, his hands were big, warm as well, like theirs, but not in the bad way. It didn’t instill fear. You instead felt reassured.

After you had stopped shaking, he put you on your own feet. He didnt blink as you immediately grabbed his hand, holding on tightly. It wasn’t unusual for you, you did this to everyone after all. No matter who it was, though he noticed you always avoided the Garrisons (Now he knew that was for good reason). Every scout that pulled you away, or asked you to follow them, or even just walked beside you usually ended up with your hand in theirs. No one seemed to mind the small quirk, even Erwin found it a bit endearing actually, it was cute. You looked at him with complete trust for guidance, such blind trust was hard to come by in ther present they lived in. He tugged you along the tile corridors, back to your shared room. It wasn’t that far, in fact you both arrived in no time.   
The door swung open immediately revealing a frantic and frazzled looking Hanji. The releif washed over her worried face the moment her eyes set on your figure. Erwin gave a quick promise to tell her what happened later. Retreating straight after.

Hanji looked at you, you were about to ask her what she was doing up so late too when she enveloped you in a hug. Your skin felt like it was set aflame and you almost started crying again. You had missed this, even if it had only been hours since you’d last hugged her. You wanted any shred of comfort you could get your small cool hands on. She mumbled into your hair, her fingers weaving through the (H/C) strands. 

“I was so scared and worried, I’m so glad you’re okay.” You slowly put your own hands on her back, grasping her shirt in your grasp tightly. Holding on as if she’d leave as soon as you let go.

Someone was worried, for you?

What an odd feeling.


	20. That Way

Hanji never brought the incident back up, or even talk about it farther than discussing it with Erwin. The only thing she did was unbutton your shirt, since your hands were shaking so bad, a patch up the bruises they left behind. After that you were pressed to her side for the rest of the night, reading with her in bed, then watching silently as she drifted off. You noticed you two often slept side by side, whether it was you shamefully slinking into hers after a nightmare, a space beside her as if she left it open just for you, or her finishing paperwork late and falling into your bed after you.

Not that you minded. You were always so cold, sleeping alone, though you never said anything, was hell. Your old house you slept beside your Nonna, no not in the same bed. But the cot right below her head. Close enough to hear her breathing. Close enough that you felt safe and protected. Then she died, and you were alone in that room with one window. Drafty, cold, lonesome room. The barracks were cool, people seemed to avoid you, thinking you were strange in the way you did things. Your English was also a lot worse then, so you could barely stutter out a sentence to explain yourself. Sleeping with someone filled the gap, the warmth that was missing on your skin. 

Eyes opening wider, you had forgotten to write to Nonna last night hadn’t you? It’s been a while since you hadn’t written her every night. Slithering out from Hanji’s so called ‘octopus limbs’ you stumbled to the desk. Tight bandages on your abdomen made movement a little awkward, but it wasn’t a big deal.

 

Dearest Nonna,

Sorry that this wasn’t from the yesterday. It was an, eventful night as you could probably guess, or even see from your place in heaven. Some males from my old regimen, you remember the Garrisons right? They attacked me last night. Grabbing me roughly, hurting me, restraining me. I was so scared. All the fear that I remember from my childhood and from my time in the regimen all came rushing back. I felt paralyzed. Erwin helped me, I don’t know what would have happened if he didn’t. They were being funny, talking as if I were a horse being sold off in an auction. Scanning my body, appraising me. 

Damaged goods.

That is true isn’t it? I am damaged aren’t I? So many scars are left on me. Inflicted pain from the days of the past never healing over quite right. Leaving a mark on skin. But the scars she left went deeper than skin Nonna. They went to my head and my heart too Nonna. I don’t think the same. I don’t love the same. Forgive… I can’t forgive like I used to. So easy, yet I’ve forgotten. It feels so hard know. With all the pain and miserable memories burned into the back of my eye lids. Haunting me every time I close my eyes. Like a film reel playing every time the room turns dark. The memories play in perfect color and clarity each time the darkness of my mind takes over.

Why am I complaining like this? What am I doing this for? I’m such a selfish child, I’m sorry Nonna, forgive me. How are you? Are you well in heaven? I hope so, you deserve all the happiness and wellness in the world. You were so good to such a bad child like me. Oh, the sun rises now, I see it in the window. So beautiful, do you see it too? An artist is painting the sky from heaven. I have to go now, tell the artist I say thank you. I love you Nonna, rest well in the happy kingdom.

With love, your nipote (Y/N)

 

It was a smaller letter than you usually wrote, but you crossed your fingers and hoped Nonna wouldn’t mind as you addressed the letter to her. Stuffing it into an envelope, placing your family’s seal on it, and placing it gently in the box, which still held each and every letter faithfully, amazingly never running out of space so far. You don’t even notice the peering eyes until you turn away from the box and see Hanji standing there curiously.

She’s looking at the box, as she always does when you take it out from it’s place. You smile at her and place a finger to your lips softly. She turns away with that said and removes her shirt, getting dressed for the day in front of you. She didn’t mind that you were still in the room, neither did you really as you did the same thing. You used to dread getting changed in front of other peoples. Not liking how tiny you were, how your bones protruded from your skin no matter how you bent or what you did. The scars that stretched along your skin remaining the main spectacle. The brunt of the joke when people used to shove you out of the bathroom in nothing but your underwear.

Even though you had no clue what that was called, or really why they did it, you still felt humiliated. Three times was enough to make you stop going to the shower room all together and find ways to sneak away and give your hair a quick rinse in the stream. Washing your body with a rag in the privacy of your own room. At least that was one good thing about being forced into isolation. Privacy.

Exposure, you didn’t free many things, but exposure was something that came close to a ‘fear’. However, with Hanji, getting dressed in front of her. Letting down your at least one of guards. Feeling vulnerable and exposed. You trusted her enough to not break that trust. You pulled on your shirt and jacket. Admiring it the material that now fit perfectly against your form. (People now like to try it on jokingly and one time you and Bert switched jackets. You were drowning in his like it was an over-sized dress and he couldn’t even fit a hand in your sleeve). 

You just put on your shoes when a hand around your waist made you jerk. It didn’t do anything to deter the mad woman behind you who in turn just tossed you over her shoulder because you were taking too long. You smiled as she carried you out, picking up your journal and fountain pen from off the desk consciously. She always remembered the little things. So even if she treated you like a little kid. Protected you like you were helpless. You wouldn’t get frustrated. You wouldn’t argue or fight. She did it because she cared after all.

Cared.

That was new, but, you found that you really like it that way.


	21. The Whispers

The dining hall, wooden paneling, sparkling tile. Probably the cleanest place in the whole place. Levi was meticulous about cleaning everything. But especially the kitchen and dining room according to Hanji. You could now agree with her, seeing from the place of dangling off Hanji’s shoulder gave you a perfect view of the floor. Gorgeous. You bit your lip to hold back a yelp as you were flipped around and landed with a small thud onto the bench. Curiously you looked around, seeing that Eren was right next to you, not even phased by you dropping in. Hanji patted your head and ran off, telling you to stick close to Eren and Mikasa. You nodded and Hanji moved to get Eren’s attention. Whispering in his ear. Which was a little odd for Hanji, considering her normal ‘whisper’ was actually her normal voice right next to your ear. 

Eren should be grateful that she learned how to whisper this time around. 

Your ears still rang.

She ran off as soon as she finished her small discussion and you looked back at her, leaning back to try and keep her in your sight until an arm was slung around your shoulders, turning you away.

“Looks like you’re hanging out with us today!” You peeked up at Eren, can’t helping but smile at the massive grin on his face. Hanji must have a meeting or something. Since she rarely took you to those unless she had too. Mostly because it was either classified (not really a big deal considering you didn’t understand them half the time), in very fast English, and difficult for you to understand. Making you feel stupid and confused for the rest of the day. 

Nodding, you grabbed your small piece of toast and started your breakfast. Listening to the antics of the crazy cadets. Rolling your eyes as they tried to get your to purr with various techniques. Giving in unknowingly to their requests when Mikasa protectively held you to try and shield you from the feather duster they brought. Why they thought that’s work, you had no clue. All you knew was that Connie laughed so hard her cried, and Jean blushed, making Mikasa glared at him until he turned away to pick a fight with Eren. Just a normal morning really. With a chair almost being thrown at someone. Yeah, that was a little crazy, but normal technically.

After breakfast you got to join with the other’s training. Riding horses, laughing at Jean, who was facing merciless teasing because he apparently looked like a horse. Which he yelled at people for, that was until you slid into the conversation. Slyly, quietly, and asked why he had such a long face, it was only a joke. He screamed. Apparently asking the sky why you were joining in on the fun, rambling about how you were the only good one left. And they tainted you with their idiocy. You simply shrugged and got into a race with Eren. Barefoot, you won. With shoes, he won. (Damn long legs and no rocks cutting into his feet to deter him. The pebbles weren’t so bad in your opinion. Blood was just blood). Then a race with your horse. Your Blondie was the best of them, and you made sure she knew it as you showered her with affection before and after the race.

Next was sparring, which you were getting better, but you still got flipped. There wasn’t much you could do about that with your low body weight other than try to twist your hips to land on your feet. Awkwardly bending your spine almost a hundred and eighty degrees. It was a miracle you didn’t snap it, or so you were told. When it came to the actual fighting however, you changed your silly demeanor. Eyes cold and calculated, lips firm in a straight line. Blocking, dodging. Waiting patiently. Aware of each shifting movement, each breath. You were able to give a quick kick in the ribs to your opponent, (Ymir?) and throw her off you. Using her surprise to throw her off. But it didn’t take long before she pinned you.

Holding your own was easy. But no one could hold on forever without either winning or losing. And in a battle of physical strength, there was no way you could win. It was just impossible, unless you found someone your size. You smiled at the woman straddling you kindly, it was a good fight. Getting up, you started another fight with Mikasa, you were just getting focused when you heard it. Snickering. Your eyes caught the forms of a few Garrisons, four girls or so. Laughing, sometimes looking as you and pointing subtly before laughing harder. You tried to peel yours eyes away and focus, but it was hard. It hurt. You tried to ignore it, they didn’t matter anymore. But it bothered you. Making your mind foggy and scrambled. Filled with doubt and laughter. You couldn’t concentrate, and that was shown when Mikasa grabbed your leg faster than you could process, which struck her as strange, and flipped you easy. Landing you roughly on your back and making you cough until your breath came back. The whispers and giggles get louder in the distance. Making your eyes go a little distant. Far away. Mikasa picked up on it immediately.

“You okay?” you jolted back and nodded, getting up onto your feet and flashing her a smile the best you could.

“Ah, yes. It’s nothing.” She didn’t look like she believed you at all, but she didn’t say anything more on the matter and started teaching you again. Showing you how to block the flip that she had just demonstrated on you. But it all just went over your head. Even after the girls were reprimanded for loitering and left you still heard the laughter. Mocking you every time you failed. Whispering everything you did wrong into your ear teasingly. You weaseled your way out of anymore playful sparring. Saying that you were still tired from your little escapade with Sasha and Connie. Who confirmed you were their accomplice, so they let you sit on the sidelines and watch with Armin. Who was buried into a book.

You heard them, your eyes stayed on the fights going on, but you didn’t see them. Your mind was fully focused in on yourself. Your feelings. Humiliation. Embarrassment. Failure. Everyone made mistakes, so why did yours make you feel so much worse? Guilt was making you sick to your stomach. Making you fear facing Erwin or Hanji again. They knew how easy fear could take you under its grasp and restrain you. The Garrison boys. You should’ve been stronger. Should’ve been able to handle it. Yet, you needed help to get out of the situation you put yourself in.

No one knew how you felt, because you stayed silent. How would you even admit that you thought this? It was unnatural and stupid of you, and you knew they’d think the same if you spoke. You were supposed to shake off the whispers. Smile and be happy.

Why was it getting harder to do even something as simple as smiling?

Praying, you hoped the feelings would go away soon. They usually departed after a while of ignoring them. You could wait it out again. But, you couldn’t predict what they actually did. Growing, spiraling around your mind. Taking you over like you were a hand puppet.

The whispers haunted you for the rest of the day.


	22. Growing Louder

Dangling, your feet swung from the chair in the conference room. Your ribcage barely hit the table, so you kept your hands in your lap to avoid looking awkward in the midst of so many elegant people. All standing up straight, with an air of power that made you press closer to Hanji to try and discreetly comfort yourself. Writing in your journal as the meeting went on. 

Why you were there, you weren’t exactly sure, but you knew that you were pissing a few people off when they tried to peek at what you were writing so absentmindedly. Getting frustrated at the fact they couldn’t snoop and glaring angrily at you as they minded their own business once more. Just as you were, until you heard something that made you perk up.

“Mi piace il pane.” You gave Hanji a curious look, why did Hanji just randomly stare that she liked bread? You mean, bread is good, in fact, it’s great! But that didn’t feel like a topic for an important meeting. It was really random. You were even more surprised when Erwin casually turned to her.

“You raise a good point, how do you suppose we proceed?” You what to interject and ask him why he wanted to proceed with bread when Hanji grinned at you. Threading a hand through your hair and shushing you. You looked to all the bewildered people in the room and it hit you full force.

So, this is what some called a prank.

Smiling faintly, you played along, picking a phrase that you had taught Hanji discreetly. Small chucks so she wouldn’t know why you were teaching her random words like that. But you hoped she’d get what you were trying to tease her about. You had been waiting a while to use this line. You nudged her, and in a completely fluent and easy voice, you spoke. Your accent sticking out like a sore thumb in English, but rolling so easily off your tongue in Italian.

“Voglio che la mia penna di nuovo, lardo.” [i.e. I want my pen back, thief.] Hanji coughed and looked away guiltily with a sheepish smile. The hand that was poised over her paper, holding your pen twitched. You giggled.

“I’m sorry, I have no clue what you mean by that.” You pressed a little closer, looking straight into her eyes with a mischievous smile as you nudged her again smugly. You knew that she had picked up on the phrase. You could see it in her eyes. Shining behind her glasses, unhidden by her shaggy brown   
bangs.

“Lardo.” Hanji laughed nervously, until Levi turned to the two of you, a blank and hostile expression on his face like always. You almost thought that he was going to rat you out, until he spoke.

“Shut the fuck up, you and shitty eyebrows are both being idiots, there’s no way that would work. Stop influencing the brat to agree with you when the kid’s got no clue what the hell that even really means for them or us.” Hanji whines.

“But (Y/N) is smarter than that, I’m sure I could explain it and they’d pick it up. Are you underestimating me?” Erwin chuckled. 

“I’ll agree with Hanji, there is some basis to her plan. It could work.” You smirked and Levi scowled at the blonde. Looking a bit closer, you could see the smallest hint of a glimmer of amusement in his eyes. He was a little less scary now. You smiled bright as one of the higher ups looked at you strangely, before addressing the woman next to you. Who still had a hand messing with your hair.

“Dr. Hanji, I must ask what are you saying? Maybe I haven’t been clear, but this is a classified meeting. All of the members must be on the same page with all of the same information. Excusing the, child, beside you. What are they doing here again?” Hanji looked at him plainly.

“This beautiful human right here is my assistant, they’re loyal, don’t worry about them knowing anything. And I don’t’ understand what you mean. Weren’t you listening to me?” Erwin gave the man a disapproving stare. You had to hold in your giggles with mastered patience and self-control.

Speaking Italian, and pretending that it was English. You liked this plan, it was funny seeing other people be the ones that were confused. And hearing others use your native language, it was comforting. You hadn’t heard anyone but yourself speak it so casually in a very long time. You were going to kid around and start speaking rapid Italian to Hanji. Until you felt the stares on you and the whispers appeared again out of thin air. Pressing against you and making it hard to breath, much less speak as you couldn’t even muster up the breath to spit out a single syllable. Your mouth closed immediately and abruptly. Going quiet. Trying to take calm and deep breaths. Levi gave you a look, and you knew he caught you acting off. You tried to shrug, you wanted to reassure him with a smile, but you couldn’t do it. Your lips would not curl up. So you curved your neck and just let your head hang and you went back to your journal.

And they kept growing louder.


	23. It Always Did

The fiasco of a meeting went well enough. Though it was a little crazy, with Hanji yelling at Erwin, calling him a tree. He agreed with her, until you silently slid your journal over to him and told him what she said. Then he started arguing with her as best as he could without letting the rest of them know (Besides Levi who stole your journal for a moment) what Hanji said. The argument only paused when you popped into the fight, saying you agreed with Hanji. Erwin was indeed a tree.

Erwin tried to come back to that, saying you were tricked by your small size, until Levi started to glare at him. Erwin made the smart decision to go quiet. Being violently murdered by an angry short man did not sound like a fun way to go. At least, to you it didn’t, but what did you know? Might be interesting. Though, you preferred something quick, like a bullet to the back of the head. Quick. You wouldn’t feel a thing.

Snapping out of your thoughts, you felt Hanji tug on your sleeve as she grasped your free hand and tugged you along urgently. Following Erwin outside of the room before nudging you a few times in quick succession. 

“(Y/N), get on my shoulders, quickly.” You gave her a strange look, but complied, letting her grab onto you and toss you up. Hooking your legs onto the openings beneath her arms you held out your arms for balance. Hanji stumbled and you winced. You were such a fat ass, you weren’t probably too heavy for Hanji. It was disgusting. But you knew that she wouldn’t let you done until the goal was met, so you sat up straighter, surprising Erwin by looking him straight in the eyes. Quicker done than quicker Hanji would let herself put you down.

“Ciao Erwin. How’s the weather up ‘ere?” A grin lit up on your pink lips as   
passing cadets hollered and whistled at you. Cheering you two on. Erwin only chuckled and ruffled your hair playfully.

“See for yourself, it’s quite fresh. A beautiful day.” Hanji whooped happily, and pumped her fists with a cry of ‘victory!’. The jostling movement surprised you, and your legs unhooked from her shoulders as your body tipped backwards. Making you yelp as you slid off into a free fall. Closing your eyes, you fully expected to hit the floor roughly. You were curious to feel hands. Hands holding onto your legs and another set of arms supporting you. You were diagonal, facing the ground as your face went red. Blood rushing down. But that was fixed as you were forcefully pulled away from Hanji’s grip and set upright on the floor. Only catching the sight of silky black hair for a fleeting moment as the arms stabilized you from behind.

“Pay attention shitty glasses, you almost dropped the damn brat.” Hanji turned to your and sheepishly rubbed the back of her head. Apologizing as you smiled at her and waving off the apologies, saying it was fine. You both noticed the arm and hand still on the small of your back at once and you were shoved in Hanji’s arms immediately. Levi walking away quickly while cursing as Hanji cackled.

What? You were afraid you didn’t understand that. But you shrugged it off and stuck to Hanji’s side as Erwin waved goodbye and headed off to his own office. Leaving you and Hanji to walk yourselves to Hanji’s office. Hanji’s arm slung around your shoulders as the crazy woman grinned. Dragging you off once more into her own office. And everything was normal again. Quiet humming from Hanji as you worked. Translating and rewriting until you hand cramped up and the routine small talk began your short shared break with Hanji as you sipped on your drinks. Hot chocolate for you and coffee for Hanji. Hopefully decaf for the sake of everyone.

“Hey (Y/N), I’ve got a question.” You hummed, which was taken as agreement. “Who taught you to ride horses? And I don’t mean Levi.” Ah, she had caught on. You guess you had made it pretty obvious from how well you rode during that time of crisis near the fallen Wall Maria’s borders. You were surprised she hadn’t asked sooner.

“My Nonna, we’d had horses on our estate’s stables in Sina. She insisted I learn to ride as a tyke. For useful purposes, and to learn responsibility of taking care of my own horse. Quebec. She was a really pretty horse. Copper red-brown. The most pretty eyes. I miss her a lot.” Hanji tapped her chin and nodded.

“Who is Nonna? You mention her a lot.” You tilted your head in thought. How to convey it. Hmm… Oh, you knew it.

“Nonna is my… grandmother? Yes, that’s it. She has left the world now though…” You smiled wistfully, it was a sad smile, but also happy and full of nostalgia as you thought of your kind guardian. 

“She raised me as my main guardian, she would of like you. It’s sad you couldn’t ‘ave met.” Hanji smiled and took a sip, watching as you cradled your cup in your own too hands, looking down at it as the memories played on a never-ending reel in your mind.

“It is a true shame, she sounds like an amazing person. I’m sure we would have gotten along very well.” You nodded, not saying anything as your eyes got that far away glimmer that Hanji had recognized in you a few times. It made you looked a lot older than eighteen. Your lips were in a smile, until some foul and sad memories or living in that house filtered in and your lips twitched into a frown. Quickly you shoved away the memories and closed the door to your mind. Shoving them into the back of your mind as you focused on your drink.

They didn’t matter anymore. Those memories no longer controlled you. You weren’t a puppet any longer. So, you forced yourself along to other things. But it didn’t get rid of the cloud weighing your shoulders and placing your mind into a hazy fog. A negative feeling that made your arms feel like lead, your stomach turn, and your eyes want to sleep for hours and not face the world. You only let out a weary sigh however and continued with your day.

It would go away eventually, it always did.


	24. No Luck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit hits the fan

Shooting up, your body jolted out of bed as if it had been shocked by a stray wire. Hairs standing up straight and tense. Tears spilled uncontrollably from your eyes as you harshly wiped them away. Not uttering even a sobbing sound. You didn’t want to be a bother to Hanji. Didn’t want to drag her down with your own useless problems. So you didn’t bother as you squirmed out of bed without rocking it too bad. It wasn’t hard. Hanji was a pretty deep sleeper. 

Stripping down, you took off your pajamas and pulled on your clothes. You’d just let Hanji sleep in while you went and met her at breakfast. Eren and the others were probably there already anyway. It wasn’t like you were going to be completely alone. But being away from the older people. The ones who worried, and saw every little change in behavouir would be nice. Maybe it’d give you a little time to think.

Brushing your hair, you worked on erasing any of the tear stains on your cheeks and rubbed away any redness. You practiced your childish smile in the mirror. Finding it to be just right, you deemed it good and walked away from the room, out into the hall.

Boots clacking lightly against the tile, you walked close to the wall to not bump into anyone by accident. Giving you time to let your head float into the clouds and think. Going over everything bit by bit. The Garrisons reappearance made some bad memories from the past trudge back up from the back of your mind. And the way the Scouts acted and the things they said when you’d mentioned little things from the Garrisons made you rethink everything about your time there. 

A game, you’d always been deceived into thing was just people being grumpy, or playing around. That it was your fault for getting hurt, you were just being a spoil sport, a ‘kill joy’, but you were beginning to look around and realize the truth hidden behind a veil of lies.

Getting hit, wasn’t a game. Being despised and treated horribly for who you were, and what you had trouble with, was not okay. Being called stupid for doing something a little different, being attacked just because someone had a bad day wasn’t acceptable. Nor should it be tolerated. By you or any supervisor or higher up. Yet, you had tolerated it. Had been ignored by the ones supposed to help and guide you. You shouldn’t have brushed it off, you should have asked why. Why did you deserve that treatment? For what did you do to them? What for?

For being stupid, for being ignorant, for existing your useless life? They whispered into your ears. The thoughts invading your head like poison. So many people said that, so many of the same opinions. But did it really hold truth? You didn’t want to believe them, but you found yourself giving up the defensive position. Letting them attack you. Poison your mind like venom invading the veins of its victim. You didn’t want to believe them. The voices that made it nearly impossible to get out of bed, despise anything you once enjoyed. Want to give up on everything and just sleep forever.

You had to drag yourself to write a letter for Nonna last night. Obligation rather than want winning out in the end and forcing your tired fingers to write out a measly and sloppy paragraph and stamp it on sideways. Shoving it into the box without any of the delicacy you usually showed.

That wasn’t normal; not for you anyway. Not even time slipping past your fingers like sand could make you neglect your most loved relative. You’d always had cupped your hands to catch the grains of sand and force time to make room for your Nonna each and every day. Yet now, you weren’t even putting out your hands. Instead letting the sand gather up, higher and higher. Waiting impatiently for it to bury and drown you.

Journal, you’d written almost three pages asking your journal these questions. Thinking that just maybe, if you wrote them down, pouring all the thoughts and questions onto the page. Maybe you’d be able organize your thoughts, sort them out and make sense of them. Find an answer.

No luck so far. But you’d keep trying.

Wandering further down the hall, you meandered into the dining hall. Taking a seat beside Eren, a spot between Eren and Mikasa that they always seemed to leave for you. Only scooting over when Hanji appeared to sandwich herself into the group (Though more often than not you’d be fitted in between her thighs, still easily sitting on the seat and not taking up any more bench room then previously). Eren noticed your tiny presence immediately as your head brushed past his upper arm as you situated yourself on your seat.

“Hey (Y/N)! Where’s Hanji?” You pasted on your practiced smile and looked up at him, your normal innocent cheeriness was easy to fall into. Like your second skin, even as your head was filled with darkness. Your friends always made it easy to pretend everything was the same with your mentality. You didn’t want to bother anyone with your silly insecurities.

“I woke up a bit earlier than her. So, I let her sleep in a bit. She never stops running, and the energy had to come from somewhere. Where it comes from I don’t know, but this will help a little, no?” Eren chuckled, nodding along.

“Got that right, maybe it’s the glasses?” You giggled a small bit before grabbing and nibbling on your piece of bread (probably left for you by Connie who insisted that you were too small for you own good). Peacefully, you soaked in the light and happy atmosphere of the cafeteria hall, with its controlled chaos. Your ears perked up as you heard Eren laughing as he nudged you.

“(N/N), you hear that? Garrisons are planning a fake knife prank to celebrate the last day with us. You want to help me find details?” You didn’t argue at all as you abandoned your bread and got up. Eren held out his hand for you, and you almost automatically you grabbed it. Latching on as he helped you along into the dense crowd. Never losing you or your grip. Mikasa looked at you two, before returning to her conversation with Armin, still watching the two of your carefully like she always did.

People always did that for you, you noticed. Giving you their hand. You used to just grab it and hope for the best. But now, people expected it and accepted it easily. Did it annoy them? Did they think you were being clingy? Only doing it out of pity? Was all of their kindness stemming from pity? Poor child, can’t speak English well at all. Shaking your head, you held on tighter so you didn’t lose Eren. Maybe you’d stopped grabbing for hands, but just, one last time. Please don’t punish for being selfish.

After working your way through the room and eavesdropping on more than just a few people, you still had nothing to give as you and Eren returned to your original table. Eren frowned as you both sat down and delivered the verdict. Connie was the first to ask.

“Well, you find anything?” Eren gave a sigh and shook his head.

“No, it’s being kept really discreet. Trying to get away with it before the superiors catch wind of it I guess.” A nod of understanding went through the table. A synchronized bobbing of heads. It was a valid reason for the prank to be so under wraps. No one wanted to get caught red-handed with a prank like that.

Finishing your breakfast, you only managed to finish half of your bread before leaving it to Sasha and following Eren and Mikasa out of the dining hall. Sticking close to them. You were tempted to reach out to them, and grasp their hands, but you just stuck your hands in your pocket and kept your head down. Your stomach was spinning and you felt heavy. You really had to stop being so dependent. It was stupid how clingy you were being. 

A flash of silver caught your eye and your eyes widened. Your hand went out of your pocket and tugged on Eren’s sleeve, catching both of the sibling’s attention effectively as you discreetly gestured to the crowd. 

“Knife, I think it’s going on now…” Eren grinned widely and Mikasa stole your hand before you could retreat it back. She noticed your hesitation and rose an eyebrow, knowing that wasn’t like you at all. So, you let her keep your hand and walked a little closer to them. Sandwiching yourself between the tall beings. Your head went up to look around again, but failed to see the person in front of you as your hand lost its grip and you were almost shoved by said person.

An arm shot around your waist and you were caught. Pulled against a firm chest, steadying you before the person let go, still holding onto the small of your back. You could barely feel the hand there, but it was holding you up.

“You steady there mate?” You looked at the strange male holding you so intimately, your legs were bent back a little, he was holding a good deal of your weight with one arm, which was a little impressive, and a little uncomfortable. You didn’t like him this close to you at all. But he did help you out, so you stayed polite as you gave a cute smile and nodded. But he didn’t let you go. Your friends watched you curiously as you interacted with the odd male.

“That’s good, hey, since I’ve got you here, could you help me out with something? It isn’t something really difficult, just a two person gig. No one here is really helping me out, and you seem like a nice kid, (Y/N) right? If I heard your friend correctly that is.” You nodded, it wasn’t really odd he knew your name. Many did. 

Pulling you even closer, his lips were close to your ear. Hot breath tickling the shell of your ear as he spoke in a deep hypnotic tone. Making you hold on to him a little tighter as your legs were dragged a little further behind you. Supporting only enough weight to keep you standing.

“It’s really quite easy. Just, be still for a moment, okay? Do you remember last year? You never told anyone right? Ah, either way it doesn’t matter. Thanks for the help, remember, quiet my friend.” What was done, how did you help? It hit you like a bullet in that instant. Sharp, twisting into your stomach. He pulled away from your, leaving you on legs that quaked under your weight like a baby deer’s as you looked down. A black hilt was now sticking out of your abdomen, something that hadn’t been there only a moment ago. You looked back up, your skin turning white as a sheet as he gave you a grin. Tipping his hat as he walked away, leaving you hollowly standing there. Blankly staring.

A hand on your shoulder, Mika? She had an arm around your shoulder, and even though she was right beside you, touching you, it didn’t feel like she was even there at all. Just like the voice that went echoing through your ears. Sounding farther away than just a few feet from your ears.

“(N/N)! You didn’t say you were in on it! That was so cool! How’d you get the knife and blood to look so realistic?” You weren’t sure of much really in that moment, but it kinda felt like you hunched over, coughing. Some liquid spilling from your lips as your eyes rolled back into your head and you collapsed, falling backward anticlimactically.

Arms kept you from the floor, probably Mikasa’s, but gently laid you on the floor as you heard a question aimed at you. A yelp. And the words started getting louder. Yelling? You couldn’t make sense of what they were saying. Your vision was blurry, almost completely black as something pressed onto your stomach, hands around the hilt, trying to stop the bleeding you guessed. But really it accidentally drove the dagger just a little further into you. 

Burning, it hurt really bad. But you didn’t cry out, or cry at all. You already knew that it would hurt worse if you cried. Your abdomen contracting if you sobbed or cried or tensed up. So instead you tried to breath steadily as you faded in and out from the world of light and consciousness. But it didn’t slow the quiet dark stealing you away, or stop the tingling numbness spreading across your limbs as the pain ebbed away until you couldn’t even feel the cold floor on which you laid.

Huh, you guessed this meant you’d sleep a little longer now. Maybe forever.

Why didn’t that bother you?


End file.
